His voice was brisk as usual.
Xiao He had actually spent a great deal of effort to restrain his anger.
But Fan Shen had no way of knowing that. He could only see what was in front of him. Seeing how indifferent Xiao He was, his heart sank to an unbelievable degree.
Bitterness spread from his heart, and the paper castle that he’d striven to build atop the ruins began to cave in again.
He shouldn’t have thought so, he really shouldn’t have thought so. This was reality.
But there had still been hope in his heart, after all.
Discontent, unwillingness and displeasure all turned into anger. It traveled through his blood, condensed in his body and finally gathered in his chest, completely filling that deathly still heart.
Xiao He didn’t have an inkling. He pressed a button and had the food go into the dining room ahead of them, then looked up at Fan Shen. “Let’s go to the dining room.”
The smile he lifted up at him was like the last straw that overwhelmed the camel, completely removing Fan Shen’s expectations.
Pushing him roughly onto the kitchen counter, Fan Shen bit his fair neck with intense hatred.
Teeth, skin, flesh and blood.
Xiao He’s eyes abruptly widened. The strong scent of blood attacked him along with the fierce pain.
What...what was going on?
Xiao He struggled. “Fan...Fan Shen…”
But his soft call wasn’t of any use, only provoking the man on top of him.
The kitchen counter was ice-cold, and he tore Xiao He’s clothes straight to pieces. Without any foreplay or caresses, he pulled apart his legs and drove in harshly at the most shameful, embarrassing and unbearable angle.
In this kind of position, anyone would feel pain.
It hurt so much Xiao He groaned.
Fan Shen’s brows furrowed tightly with pain.
“S-stop…” Xiao He said lowly in a trembling voice, “Don’t do it so fast, don’t…”
He didn’t know why Fan Shen was being like this, but Xiao He knew that resisting him would only make it worse. Since they were both in pain, it was better to make a few adjustments and alleviate their suffering.
But his tolerance, acceptance and consideration for him all gave off a different meaning under these particular circumstances.
Fan Shen kept ramming into him, his heart so cold it was as if he’d hidden a block of ice within it.
Xiao He, this was Xiao He.
This man who had grown up in a life of luxury, who had grown up cherished by many, who stood at the summit of the Galactic Empire, revered by millions.
When had Xiao He ever been treated like this? Why would he ever have to bear this kind of humiliation? What need was there for him to put down his dignity and lie beneath him…
There was no need for him to do so, no need at all.
But...he didn’t resist.
Why didn’t he?
Fan Shen couldn’t think of any other reason.
All he could think of was the most heart-piercing, bone-gnawing one.
Xiao He was about to go mad.
It hurt until he was about to go crazy, and Fan Shen was tormenting him until he was about to go crazy.
Xiao He was clearly complying with him and doing his best to bear with it, so why was Fan Shen growing more and more ruthless!
He was driving violently into him not for the sake of pleasure, but only pain.
And in the passion between two men, enjoyment was difficult, while suffering always came easily.
Even if Xiao He was already used to receiving, with this kind of rough messing around, he still felt a pain as if his body was being torn apart.
Why was this happening!
Why did it have to be like this!
Xiao He was clearly the one being wronged, okay? He was the one who should be angry, so why was Fan Shen so furious!
Xiao He couldn’t figure it out, but as he went on hurting, he grew discontented.
Why did Fan Shen have to bully him like this!
Why did he have to torment him like this!
He loved Fan Shen, but did loving him mean he had to suffer this?
To cure him...to cure him!
Being sick didn’t mean Fan Shen could make trouble like this!
The more he thought about it, the angrier he grew. Xiao He had a good temper, but even a rabbit would bite when cornered.
Xiao Rabbit thought: I’m furious!
He didn’t like using brute force, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t!
Xiao He took a deep breath and abruptly forced himself violently free of Fan Shen’s arms.
“Fan Shen! Enough of you!”
He glared at him, his eyes full of unconcealed fury, burning fiercely.
Fan Shen stood there, looking at him with cold eyes.
He thought he’d endure it to the end, but it turned out he could get angry too. “Can’t take it anymore? Can’t keep up the act anymore?”
Hearing his frigid voice, Xiao He frowned slightly. “What are you talking about?”
Fan Shen sneered, his eyes ice-cold, the corners of his mouth faintly rising. “You yourself know best, isn’t that right? Xiao He, you really put a lot of energy into currying favor with me. You can bear being insulted and it doesn’t matter if you’re humiliated. Even though I have a partner and I’m about to get married, you don’t mind, do you? That’s right, why would you need to care? In any case, you have confidence that as long as you coax me like this, as long as you listen to me, I’ll forgive you sooner or later. Sooner or later, I’ll walk into the net you laid out. When that happens, you only have to give me another push, and I’ll fall into a bottomless abyss. And you, you can stand above and laugh, laugh at my stupidity, my foolishness, and the way I imagined my love was reciprocated.”
“Enough!” Xiao He completely blew up. “Fan Shen, that’s enough from you! What happened before was my fault. I admit it, and I’m sorry. I’ll never forgive myself all my life. But that doesn’t mean I should be completely denied my present and future! I don’t mind if I’m insulted or humiliated? I’m so angry I’m about to explode and go crazy! But I don’t dare to be angry! You loathe and hate me so much that it wasn’t easy for me to get along peacefully with you. If I got mad, would you coax me? Would you forgive me? You’d simply take the opportunity to drive me out, and treat me even more coldly! Why did I endure it? Why did I press down my anger? I did it for the sake of getting along with you peacefully, because I wanted to be with you, Fan Shen. I was afraid!”
As he spoke, though he had a bellyful of anger, once he thought that Fan Shen really had a partner and was about to get married, even if he knew that this was all just a fake world, he still couldn’t help but despair. He couldn’t help but feel wronged, and he couldn’t help but want to shed tears.
Crying was both embarrassing and useless. Crying in front of someone who only wanted to hurt you would just result in suffering further humiliation.
But Xiao He couldn’t stop. He couldn’t hold back his tears, the emotions he’d pushed down in his chest or the words he wanted to spill out.
“Fan Shen...I’m the one who has to apologize for before, but I really do like you, and I really do want to be with you. I don’t know what to say or do to make you believe me, but I...really do love you.”
His voice was choked with sobs, and his tone was full of exhaustion and loss. Against the silver-white wall, the young man seemed so frail he was about to fall apart.
Was this an act too?
Was this fake too?
If Xiao He could act to the point of looking like this…
Fan Shen’s heart was twisted into a lump. He wanted to believe him, he wanted to accept him, but...if even this was an act…
Just when he was hesitating, the young man suddenly looked up with his face full of tears, his black eyes full of certainty and determination.
“Fan Shen, if you have misgivings, then I’ll let go of everything, okay?”
Fan Shen was abruptly surprised.
But Xiao seemed as if he’d found the pivotal key to escaping this deadlock.
He was a little excited and a little nervous, but the words he spoke were resolute and decisive. “I don’t want my status as a marshal. I’ll give up military power, my family and the whole empire!”
“Fan Shen...I’ll let go of all of it, but please believe me, okay?”
“Believe me.” Xiao He’s voice held a warmth that melted Fan Shen's heart. “I really do love you.”
***
The author has something to say:
Waahh...I heard that the last chapter wasn't very nice, so how about let’s have another chapter, muah! Three updates now~ I want affection and comfort.
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banoffee: 2 hours and 1 minute for 1,582 words, or 7.6 minutes for every 100 words. A decrease in rate by 1.9 minutes! 🎉This chapter was hella short. 😊
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I kinda imagined that the other Xiao He was destroying Fan Shen's everything so that he could imprison him'-'
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm reading too much yandere stories hahaha and when they would imprison the mc's in a black room. '-'
Hahahaha. But isn't this ML's mental world? All the people there are made by him(ML) and the memories that MC received is also made by him(ML).
DeleteI reckon it should be ML wanting to have prison play and black room with himself(LOL selfcest). I'm just kidding��. But any longer maybe I'll start to believe that ML really do like to abuse himself.
Fan Shen is the most high maintanence person to have as a partner. He create a world filled with misunderstanding. While I enjoy the novel that makes me unsure whether to laugh or cry. I hope the distance between us stay the same. In 2d
ReplyDeleteThanks for the chapter