Entering a Split Personality — Chapter 15

He touched his heart?

Xiao He’s forced calm surged with agitation again.

What was the meaning of this?

Could it be that Ayr had remembered something? Could it be that Qin Su had made some mistake back there? He had returned to this point in time, but the Ayr personality actually remembered what had happened before? 

Or maybe Ayr didn’t remember anything, but he knew about his conversation with Lance, so he was using these words to sound him out? 

After reflecting on it a little, Xiao He almost scared himself to death.

He knew that this was all a dream. He knew that everything here was fake, and he knew that this was Fan Shen’s mental world. 

But even if he was clear about that, when he was in this world, everything he experienced, felt and saw was so realistic no one would question it in the slightest.

This world was fake, but he felt everything, whether it was beautiful and fortunate or horrible and terrifying.

He could touch Ayr’s warmth, feel the boundless joy he gave him, and he could experience the terror he brought him even more penetratingly.

He liked this man, but at the same time, his fear of him was bone-deep.

This feeling was terrible. It was hard to describe, but it was enough to give him the idea of retreat. 

Cowen was dead, and he hadn’t thought of much of an idea. He didn’t want to invest too much into Lance’s plot.

He gripped the feather, just wanting to put a quick end to all of this.

Everything was an excuse. It was all worthless. He only had one goal.

To break away from this world, escape this man, and return to reality. 

Wouldn’t killing Ayr and destroying this personality complete his mission? 

When that time came, he wouldn’t have to be afraid anymore. He wouldn’t have to be bewitched, and he wouldn’t have to worry about sinking deeper and deeper into this illusion. 

It was very simple. He just had to kill him. 

Ayr was capable of tearing out his heart. If he killed Ayr, so what?

An ice-cold kiss landed on his forehead, light as a feather, carrying a mild fragrance with it. Like a drop of water from a clear spring, it stilled the turbid water of the pool.

Xiao He’s eyes abruptly focused, and his head suddenly cleared.

What was he thinking! What exactly was he thinking! 

Kill Ayr? How could he actually make a decision like this so carelessly? 

Murder! Even if it was in a dream, a dream like this didn’t have the slightest difference from reality. He would still be committing murder!

He wanted to leave this place because he was afraid of their disregard for others’ lives and their cruel bloodthirstiness.

But if he killed someone too, would he still be himself?

He was afraid of sinking deeper and deeper in, but if he disposed of Ayr, wouldn’t he have truly sunk into darkness?! 

Xiao He took a deep breath, and finally got his energy back.

Ayr had been embracing him all this time. Feeling Xiao He’s mood fluctuating, his eyes flashed slightly, but he didn’t move at all. 

Xiao He looked up and gazed at him. “If you can’t sleep, can you talk to me?”

The boy in his arms was beautiful and clean. A pair of crystal-clear eyes looked at him softly, making it so his heart couldn’t resist trembling. The darkness in Ayr’s eyes subsided. He smiled lightly, and changed his hold into a more comfortable one. “What do you want to talk about?”

He liked to listen to him talk. When he heard his voice, it gave him an indescribable feeling of refreshment. It was novel and unique, making it so he couldn’t help but want to move closer, giving him an uncontrollable desire to hold him tight. 

Xiao He’s eyes crinkled, and he said in a low voice, “I want to hear you talk about yourself.”

Ayr’s azure eyes softened, and it seemed as if there was starlight twinkling in them. “About myself? The Complete History of the Elves talks about me in great detail.”

Xiao He shook his head. “I’ve read that book before. The elven king in there is divine, grand, and above mortal affairs. He has a kind of untouchable remoteness, and he doesn’t feel real.”

Real? Ayr’s eyes narrowed slightly, but he smiled shortly after. “Whatever you want to know, I can tell you.”

Xiao He looked at him unblinkingly. It was a while until he opened his mouth. “I heard that when you were born, the sun and moon vanished, the stars fell from the sky, and Yanar rose from the darkness, achieving the glory of the present.”

This passage was from The Complete History of the Elves. When Xiao He had read it, he had felt that it really freaking knew how to spew nonsense, even more so than the “true emperor, son of heaven” stuff from ancient China. 

But this passage was perfect for asking him about right now. 

Ayr's eyes held a smile. He said softly, “Later generations invented most of that, but a little bit of it is true.” 

Xiao He asked curiously, “As for that bit, could it be that even the sun and moon really vanished?” He asked this for a joke, but inside he felt that with Ayr’s looks, when he arrived in the world, he really did have the power to make even the sun and moon marvel at him. 

Ayr casually hooked a strand of Xiao He’s hair. The ink-black hair twined around his fair fingers, and the sudden contrast made the white more white, and the black more black. Entwined together, followed by his soft, low voice, it painted the scene of a spring night, warm but hazy, hard to ascertain. 

“I don’t know whether the sun and moon vanished, but when I opened my eyes, there was indeed only darkness between sky and earth.”

Startled, Xiao He was just wanting to ask in more detail when Ayr continued.

“It was cold, dark and silent. I couldn’t see any light or shadows, and I couldn’t feel any warmth. I walked down a road, and there were thorns everywhere underfoot.” 

Xiao He looked up at him, and his heart trembled because of Ayr’s low voice and slightly narrowed eyes. He asked softly, “At that time...were you the only one there?”

“Yes.” Ayr’s voice was tranquil, but underneath that steadiness was a remote emptiness that was like the echo of a hollow valley. “There were no living creatures, and there wasn’t the slightest sound. I couldn’t see anything, not even myself. At that time, the world was like an immense tomb, carrying the calmness and cold desolation that only come in death.” 

Xiao He listened quietly, and some inconsequential fragments suddenly appeared in his mind.

A pitch-black world and a lonely child, frozen until he was trembling, but stubbornly forging onwards. The tender soles of his feet were cut by the sharp thorns, and blood trickled out, filling the stifling atmosphere with the scent of blood.

He kept walking forward, with no fear, sadness, longing or desire, just walking, without the slightest intent to stop.

Xiao He frowned slightly, trying to focus in on it, but this disordered fragment disappeared like a dream, without a trace left behind. 

For a moment, the atmosphere was a little gloomy.

Xiao He originally wanted to understand Ayr a little more, but the current atmosphere wasn’t that wonderful.

He took back his idea. He tilted his head slightly and looked up at Ayr, and said in a soft voice, “...Your Majesty, you really were the one who created all of this.”

He walked out from the darkness, alone, and brought light to this world and every living thing in it.

Ayr returned his gaze, searching his eyes from top to bottom.

After a long time, he reached out and stroked the young elf’s delicate, beautiful cheek. “I created them, but now, they want me to die.” 

***

2 hours and 15 minutes for 1,348 words, or 10 minutes for every 100 words. A decrease in rate by 0.8 minutes, yay.

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