Entering a Split Personality — Chapter 27

Thank you to Lulith and another supporter for cheering me up this morning! 💛

***

His son was avoiding him! 

Xiao He completely collapsed!

He stood there stupidly, feeling like he’d lost the strength to even dry his hair.

God, really. However sweet it was before was how bitter it was now.

It was so great when Fan Shen was little! He was adorable and well-behaved, and when he called out “Daddy,” Xiao He's heart softened until it almost turned into cotton candy.

But now...he’d grown up, and he had his own ideas. Not only did he not act cute anymore, he rarely called him “Daddy,” and what was even more terrible was that now he was ignoring him!

Xiao He felt like there was a fire burning in his chest, burning until he was about to explode.

After more than ten years of their relationship, he truly considered Fan Shen to be his own son. He invested all of his feelings, and worked hard to fulfill the role of father as best he could. 

But now, Xiao He’s heart felt almost stifled to death.

Was having your children grow up actually such a painful thing?

Dispirited, Xiao He got dressed while drawing a lesson from this bitter experience.

When he had time, he definitely had to go home more often to see his mother and father. It really wasn’t easy being a parent!

He was in a terrible mood, but Xiao He had always been someone with a soft personality. So if you really wanted him to lose his temper at the child he’d cradled in his hands and brought up, that was something that didn’t even bear thinking about. 

Xiao He got the food ready, gave himself some encouragement, and went to knock on the door. “Little Fan, come eat.” 

His room was filled with silence, and there was no reply.

Xiao He was silent for a moment, and after a long time, he spoke again. “If there’s something on your mind, you can tell me. I’ll help you come up with ideas.”

There was still no reply, but leaning beside the door, Fan Shen slowly opened his eyes.

Tell him? How could he tell him?

The handsome boy’s lips quirked at the corner, showing a sardonic smile.

Tell him that he thirsted for him every day? Tell him that he kissed him until climax in a dream? Or tell him that when he touched him, he couldn’t control his desire to take him, that he wanted it until there were constant stabs of pain in his heart? 

After that...his silly father would definitely be stupefied.

And after that...could he still see him again?

At the thought that he’d lose him forever, Fan Shen clenched his fists tight, and instantly pressed everything down into the bottom of his heart.

If he was destined to be unable to say it, then he’d just bury it deep inside.

If he was destined to be unable to obtain him, then he’d just look at him. 

It was better than losing him forever, better than...having him leave completely.

When he calmed down, Fan Shen turned and opened the door, meeting Xiao He’s gaze.

Xiao He was surprised, but then he let out a breath of relief. It was good that he could come out. Going hungry wasn’t good for the health. He was right at the age when he was growing, so he’d better not delay his growth. 

Because of this little episode, it was a bit too quiet when they ate dinner.

Xiao He tried to find a topic of conversation, but Fan Shen didn’t want to talk. Xiao He talked and talked and finally couldn’t talk on anymore.

His son was throwing a fit, but fortunately, after he finished eating, he still went to the kitchen to wash the dishes as before.

This was their custom as father and son. One of them made dinner, and the other one cleaned up. They’d been doing it this way since little Fan Shen was ten years old. 

Xiao He sat in front of the computer and scrolled through the forums for something to do, but he was a bit absent-minded.

Sure enough...he had to have a talk with little Fan.

Puppy love was human nature, but it wasn’t good if it happened too early.

For one thing, Fan Shen was still young right now, and his mind was immature. Love comes and goes fast. Doing too much wasn’t good for his mental and physical growth.

Furthermore...Xiao He knew that this was a mental world, but his goal was to cure Fan Shen, and he hoped he’d grow up healthy. If something unexpected happened, that would be a a source of trauma that might affect his life afterwards.

Xiao He gave a long sigh, feeling rather distressed.

This thing called puberty was really annoying, wasn’t it!

It was a pity that there were heaps of parenting books, but there were very few on how to deal with teenagers...making it so that he didn’t even have something to reference.

But no matter what was happening, it was better to talk about it.

Xiao He still had some confidence in himself. Fan Shen was ignoring him a bit in his rebellious phase, but Xiao He had faith in their relationship. So many years of depending on each other and taking care of each other couldn’t be dismissed with a few words. 

He truly considered him his son, and he believed that Fan Shen respected him as well.

Since it was like this, what could be wrong with having a talk? Maybe he could resolve whatever was weighing on Fan Shen, and they could go back to the way they were before! 

As Xiao He thought through this, his interest heightened.

He really missed that well-behaved little guy. Hurry and give him back!

After making up his mind, Xiao He didn’t hesitate. He got up and left the study.

Fan Shen happened to be coming out of the kitchen. The two faced each other, startled.

Xiao He said quickly, “Let’s have a talk.”

Fan Shen’s eyes flashed slightly, and he asked quietly, “Is something the matter?” 

Xiao He walked closer and took his hand very naturally. “You can’t talk to your dad for a bit if nothing’s the matter?”

Fan Shen stiffened slightly and he wanted to pull his hand away, but Xiao He had already pulled him down to sit on the sofa. 

The two of them sat close together, side by side.

Xiao He couldn’t help but feel a little rueful. He had always maintained the appearance of a twenty-six-year-old, but he was still more than ten years older than Fan Shen. But this guy was already a bit taller than him now. If he kept growing, he’d definitely be a head taller than him. When he thought about it he really felt stifled at heart. A son being so much taller than his father…

He was tangled up over these trivial matters, but at his side, Fan Shen was tense all over, rigid as an ice sculpture.

They were too close together. He only had to turn his head, and he could see Xiao He’s fair neck. If he looked down a little further, he could see his slim collarbone beneath his open collar, and he could even see…

A burst of heat suddenly attacked him, rushing through his body. Fan Shen abruptly closed his eyes and forced himself to concentrate on calming down. 

But it was no use...Xiao He's breath, his scent, the warmth of his body were all like a tempting aphrodisiac, constantly approaching him, and constantly corrupting him. It carried a sweet taste and a bone-deep stabbing pain, making him want to resist, but he was powerless.

Xiao He mulled it over for a moment, and finally opened his mouth. “I saw what happened in the afternoon.” 

Fan Shen froze slightly. “What?”

Xiao He said, “I saw you with that girl.”

As if a clap of thunder had suddenly sounded in his mind, Fan Shen abruptly came back to himself, and a trace of panic flashed through his azure eyes. “It’s not true, she and I…”

“I know.” Xiao He saw how worried he was, and his heart couldn’t help but soften.

He was a child after all. When his father saw this kind of thing, he’d still be worried.

But Xiao He was an open-minded father, so how could he blame him because of this? He said warmly, “At your age, it’s normal to have these kinds of thoughts. I’m not that inflexible. I just want to remind you that it’s okay to like someone, but you have to pay attention to what’s appropriate. After all, you’re still young, and you have a long path ahead of you. You absolutely can’t have a momentary impulse because of this and…”

Xiao He kept speaking, but Fan Shen couldn’t hear a word clearly anymore. 

He looked fixedly at the man in front of him, but the luster of his eyes was like an extinguished flame, gradually engulfed by the night, and disappearing without a trace.

How laughable.

What had he been panicking about just now?

What reason did he have to panic?

He was afraid he would misunderstand, but actually, why would he care?

“Is puppy love fine as long as it doesn’t cross the line?” Fan Shen asked softly, lowering his eyes.

Xiao He stared at him blankly, and couldn’t help but blink. “That’s…”

“Dad.” Fan Shen looked up into his eyes. “What do you want my future to be like?”

Xiao He looked at him, and for an instant, his mind was blank. But he quickly reacted and continued, “Of course I hope that you can grow up and become someone responsible, who has ambition, who…”

“Someone with a family?” The corner of Fan Shen’s mouth suddenly turned up, forming a moving smile. “Who finds a woman, gets married and has children?”

Xiao He frowned. He instinctively felt that something wasn’t right, but even if he looked into it, he couldn’t find it. 

And Fan Shen was waiting for his answer.

Xiao He reflected on it, but there seemed to be nothing wrong. Growing up, getting married and having children were probably the expectations that all parents had for their children.

It was simple, straightforward and didn’t carry much pressure. 

When he thought about it like this, he relaxed and nodded.

Fan Shen smiled and said in an almost inaudible voice, “Alright, I understand.”

After speaking, he rose and left. 

Xiao He was still sitting on the sofa, and his heart inexplicably felt empty.

Why was this so strange...did all children become so hard to pin down when they grew up?

Xiao He gave a heavy sigh.

Fan Shen went to the bathroom, took off his clothes, turned on the shower and let the cold water pour down.

He’d already been certain of this, but when he heard him say it with his own ears, he still felt like everything had been turned on its head.

He didn’t know why he was like this, and he didn’t understand what a normal father-son relationship was like.

For as long as he could remember, there was only him.

In his sight, in his heart, and in the whole world, there was only him.

When he was little he hadn’t understood. This lasted until he was twelve years old, when a kiss that was so shallow it held no other meaning made his heart beat nonstop.

After that, he had a dream.

The man in his dream was moaning softly, calling his name in a low voice, delirious beneath him.

And he could kiss him without any scruples, caress him, bring him happiness, and show him tender affection that overflowed until it bubbled out. 

But once he woke from the dream, it was as if he’d fallen into an abyss.

Ever since then, Fan Shen refused the good morning and goodnight kisses he loved the most.

Ever since then, Fan Shen never shared the bed with Xiao He again.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but that he didn’t dare. 

***

Wow Xiao He, way to be misleading. 

2 hours and 55 minutes for 2,039 words, or 8.6 minutes for every 100 words. A decrease in rate by 0.3 minutes 😊

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