Entering a Split Personality — Chapter 31

How could Fan Shen know Ayr?!

Xiao He’s heartbeat, which had just steadied, picked up again.

Had something...really happened?

Fan Shen didn’t lift his head, and only cut a slice of bread and continued, “After you got drunk, you kept calling out that name.”

It...was like this.

Xiao He let out a breath of relief. It was normal to call his name. After all, his current identity was that of Fan Shen’s father, so if he had a good relationship with his mother, it could be called a part of raising him well.

“That’s your mother.” Xiao He took a deep breath. He’d originally wanted to deliberately gather his emotions for a moment, but actually, as soon as he mentioned Ayr, he was completely taken over by yearning, and he didn’t need to deliberately prepare at all.

Fan Shen didn’t make a sound. He only gently put down his fork and knife, and said slowly, “Can I see her?”

Xiao He was startled for a moment, then he panicked at heart.

See her...how could he see her…

Fan Shen soon spoke again. “Do you have a photo of her?”

Xiao He got his strength back.

But he didn’t have a photo of her.

“You have such a good relationship with her, so surely you must have a lot of her photos. How come I’ve never seen them before?” 

Xiao He stiffened, and he suddenly realized his oversight.

According to reason, a single father bringing up his son should have his wife’s photograph placed daily at his bedside, right?

But how could he change his arrangements? He simply didn’t have any relationship with Fan Shen’s mother. All he had was...was Ayr’s…

That’s right! Xiao He reacted. He didn’t have a photo of him, but he had a painting!

He had once painted a picture of Ayr in women’s clothing… Of course, this wasn’t his own bad taste. It was just that the third eldest had wanted a drawing, and his brains had been elsewhere that day. He’d wanted to draw a woman, but as he drew, the face turned into Ayr’s. 

He naturally couldn’t sell the painting afterwards, but he couldn’t bear to throw it away, so he saved it. He hadn’t thought he’d actually have use for it now.

Xiao He put down his fork and knife, rose and said, “Wait, I’ll find one for you.” 

His son was starting to be curious about his mother, which was a good thing. After all, she hadn’t hesitated to sacrifice her life for him. He shouldn’t monopolize Fan Shen like this.

Xiao He hurried back to his bedroom, opened his trunk and started rummaging through it.

Fan Shen rose quietly and followed him.

Xiao He had always been carefree, and he never put up defenses toward his son, so he didn’t even close the door.

Fan Shen leaned beside the door, and he could see his figure through the crack.

His father had a secret, and it was in that safe with a password that was six rows long.

He didn’t know what was inside, but he knew how much Xiao He treasured it.

He treasured it so much that he wished he could fall asleep with it in his arms every night; he treasured it so much that if someone touched it lightly, he’d wake up.

Fan Shen had wondered countless times about what was in there.

But now...he was certain.

Inside it was Xiao He’s heart.

A heart that was filled with that woman Ayr.

Fan Shen watched him quietly, until Xiao He was about to get up. Only then did he turn and leave, sitting down before the dining table. 

Xiao He locked the safe, took the painting and walked over quickly.

“Look, this is your mother. Isn’t she beautiful?”

Fan Shen took it, and frowned slightly after just a glance over it.

They looked so much alike, it was practically like he was looking in the mirror.

Did he resemble his mother to this degree?

Xiao He looked at the painting as well, his eyes filled with undisguised yearning. His voice softened a great deal due to it. “She’s very good-looking, isn’t she? She’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” 

Fan Shen turned to look at him, and felt a sudden prick to his heart. “I look a lot like her.”

“That’s right,” Xiao He’s eyes crinkled, “you’re almost exactly the same.”

Fan Shen looked at him and didn’t make a sound.

He finally understood why Xiao He had lost his senses last night.

He looked too much like her, so it was only natural that Xiao He would mistake him for her after getting drunk.

When he thought of how they’d tangled together last night, it all turned into the inseparable affection Xiao He had for this woman in his mind, and his heart filled with despair.

The most beautiful thing he could imagine was just Xiao He's fantasy of someone else.

Was there anything crueler than this? 

Fan Shen closed his eyes, and the last flame in his heart was completely extinguished.

Xiao He really didn’t have him in his heart at all. 

Father and son, father and son, why did they have to be father and son!

Fan Shen’s hand tightened uncontrollably around the picture, and it was only with great effort that he managed to suppress his voice enough for it to seem steady and calm. “Dad, can you give me this picture?” 

Xiao He was startled. 

Fan Shen didn’t look at him, and only said in a low voice, “She’s my mother. I don’t remember her, but I should keep a memento of her with me.” 

That was true. Once he came back to himself, Xiao He immediately said, “Sure, take it. Once I have time I’ll draw some more pictures of her from before, and when I’m done you can keep all of them.”

Fan Shen’s heart missed a beat, but he soon said, “No need.”

Xiao He looked at him in confusion.

Fan Shen looked up and met his gaze. “I don’t want you to feel too sad. She’s already gone, and I believe that every time you draw her, you’ll remember her. That isn’t a good feeling.”

Xiao He hadn’t thought that he’d say that. His eyes hopelessly reddened in an instant.

Because Fan Shen's words had gone straight to the the problem that was weighing on his heart.

Every time he drew Ayr, all he remembered was the sweetness of the past. But when he finished drawing and looked at the lifeless picture, he had to face reality again.

Face the reality that he’d already lost him.

But he couldn’t stop.

If he didn’t draw he’d feel a sense of loss, and if he did draw he’d be in despair. He went in circles, unable to find an end to it.

Actually, Xiao He was glad that he was fortunate enough to have little Fan Shen. If he had returned directly to reality, he was afraid he would've been completely crushed by this kind of despair, and he’d never have recovered.

Seeing Xiao He's pale face and faintly reddened eyes, Fan Shen couldn’t stop himself from feeling bad for him.

He rose, went around the table and embraced him.

“Dad, it’s alright. I’m here, and I’ll always be with you.”

His son’s arms were broad and warm. Xiao He felt a little comforted, but he felt a faint pain at the same time. 

Fan Shen had grown up, and he’d grown up very well. Was he about to leave as well?

He’d lost Ayr, and now Fan Shen was leaving too. Xiao He was suddenly a little afraid, afraid of the reality that had always been the truth.

Out of the fear at the bottom of his heart, Xiao He opened his mouth and said something that wasn’t quite appropriate. “Let’s sleep together tonight, okay?”

He really missed Fan Shen’s childhood, when he would cling to him all the time. At night, he’d rest his head on his arm, hug him, and bring him great warmth with his little body.

Back then, he still lost sleep, but it hadn't been as bad as keeping his eyes open until two or three in the morning.

But ever since Fan Shen grew up and moved to a separate bed, he’d never fallen asleep easily again.

When it got dark, he couldn’t stop himself from remembering, and he kept missing Ayr until he couldn’t close his eyes.

If it were before, he wouldn’t make a request like this.

But Xiao He had a feeling that his mission might be near completion, and he would leave soon, so...let him be willful for once.

Fan Shen’s arms tightened around him, and after a long time, he said lowly, “Okay.” 

***

1 hour and 38 minutes for 1,497 words, or 6.5 minutes for every 100 words. A decrease in rate by 2.4 minutes. Wow...back to the rate I was at when I finished Runaway Guide.

I went through this whole chapter and only found one new word. I guess that's a good thing? 

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