Entering a Split Personality — Chapter 35

Xiao He felt great fear. He looked at the man before his eyes, and no matter what, he couldn’t recognize him as the child he'd raised.

His Little Fan was well-behaved, his Little Fan was thoughtful, and his Little Fan absolutely wouldn’t be like this.

Xiao He’s head was in chaos. He didn’t know whether he’d lost too much sleep and was hallucinating, or whether all of this was really happening.

Fan Shen took him by the chin and kissed him roughly.

This kiss didn’t hold a trace of tenderness, and it was full of a blatant desire to conquer and possess. Fan Shen hated he couldn’t tear him apart to the bone and swallow him into his stomach. 

Xiao He tasted blood. He didn’t know whether it was his or Fan Shen’s, but the taste was bitter, and an intense despair spread from it at the same time. It was indissoluble and lingering, like night falling on a gloomy winter day, without a trace of light to be seen. There was only an ice-cold chill that penetrated to the bone.

Xiao He opened his mouth, wanting to speak, but it was no use. He couldn’t make a sound, and he only gave Fan Shen a chance to invade.

Fan Shen kissed him, engulfed him, wrapped around him until it hurt, entangled him until he ached, but it wasn’t enough at all. This bit of pain couldn’t measure up to a thousandth of the agony he felt at the bottom of his heart.

He couldn’t bear to injure Xiao He, he couldn’t bear to make him feel pain, and he was even more reluctant to make him sad.

He treated him like this and loved him with his whole heart, but what did Xiao He give him? 

Fan Shen kissed him and found the taste he had dreamed of, but his chest and his vision were filled with nothing but black fog. 

He couldn’t see a road ahead, and he couldn’t find an end to it, so there was nothing worth enduring anymore.

No matter what he did, Xiao He wouldn’t know it.

No matter what he bore, Xiao He wouldn’t care.

Because Xiao He didn’t have him in his heart. His heart was filled with someone else, the person he loved the most.

He had no hope of occupying his heart, so Fan Shen let everything go.

If enduring silently and backing down can’t get me even a little of your regard, then why should I torment myself? 

In any case, you don’t like me, and in any case, I’m doomed to be unable to obtain your heart. But I can always have your body, can’t I?

There’s no way for me to make you smile for me, and there’s no way to make you happy for me. Then I can make you cry, can’t I?

Cry in my arms, cry beneath my body, cry for me.

That way...you’ll be thinking of me with all your heart.

Fan Shen’s eyes gradually darkened. His azure eyes, once clear as the sky, turned as dark as the sea at night, but his thin lips slowly curled into a trace of a smile.  

It was a childish, satisfied smile, as if he’d obtained everything.

Fan Shen suddenly became very gentle. He forced apart Xiao He’s lips and licked his palate. He knew that Xiao He couldn’t stand this, and that if he just kept touching him, this man would tremble with arousal and let out moans that were hard to suppress.

His body couldn’t lie. Fan Shen drew him close and murmured ambiguously, “Look, you still want me.”

“Don’t worry.” Fan Shen stimulated him, giving him pleasure. “What you want, I’ll give you. I can satisfy you. I’m the only one who can satisfy you.” 

Xiao He trembled all over and shut his eyes tight, but he tried hard to preserve the calm in his voice. “Stop, Little Fan, stop it, okay? Daddy’s begging you, please...don’t…”

His eyes abruptly widened from the sharp pain, and they filled with incredulity and shock.

Fan Shen smiled and sucked on his lip. “Stop? How could I stop? You’re really cruel, saying something like that at a time like this. Daddy? Who’s my dad? You? You aren’t!” As his words fell, he increased his force.

An unimaginable pain burst through his mind, and Xiao He was completely stunned. At this moment, the heart in his chest seemed to stop beating.

What he was most afraid of had happened, and there was no way to bring everything back to the way it was.

Powerless, Xiao He realized for the first time how useless he was.

Fan Shen had achieved his desire. It was in a way like this, but he was still satisfied.

He couldn’t have utmost perfection, but fortunately he still had something.

He couldn’t obtain Xiao He's heart no matter what, but this person and his body all belonged to him. 

From today onwards, Xiao He was his. 

He could see him every day and hold him every night. He didn’t need to endure it anymore, he didn’t need to wait, and he didn’t need to hesitate or worry. 

Being able to obtain him like this, Fan Shen had no regrets. 

Xiao He spent this period of time in the most unimaginable manner.

He had never liked to go out, and now, he really couldn’t go out of the house.

Fan Shen went out in the daytime, and when he came back, he would make constant demands on him.

A young man’s energy seemed boundless. He could hold all night, embrace him til dawn, and take him without resting or sleeping. 

Xiao He went from the initial shock to desperate resistance, and finally to complete numbness.

He was powerless to act. He had no way to resist and he couldn’t leave.

He didn’t want to return to reality, and he didn’t want to tell Qin Su the current situation, because he had no desire to be laughed at.

He was to blame for bringing about a situation like this.

After all, this child was one he’d raised to adulthood himself. Little Fan was a blank slate. How he turned out was all due to how he was raised.

Xiao He couldn’t figure out where he had gone wrong, but he knew that he was at fault.

Beneath the intense guilt and indecision, there was still an inerasable trace of hope.

Xiao He still had hope that his life would go back to the way it was.

He still had hope that Fan Shen would change back into the Little Fan he knew.

Eighteen years, eighteen whole years. He had invested so much, and it trapped him thoroughly here. He could walk away, but he couldn’t escape from this.

The only thing to be glad about during these listless days was that he didn’t lose sleep anymore.

He was repelled by everything that had happened, but laughably enough, with Fan Shen by his side, he could sleep sweetly and dreamlessly.

It was only that day and night were reversed.

It had been too long since he had gone outside, so Xiao He found it a little hard to tell apart the days. It could be that a week had passed, or it could be that a month had.

And he didn’t know what Fan Shen was doing either.

Fan Shen didn’t tell him, and he never asked. Or he should say that the exchanges they had now were pitifully few. 

But if he had to say what had changed, it wasn't much.

Aside from being unrestrained in bed, Fan Shen was still the way he was in the past the rest of the time, considerate, meticulous and thoughtful.

He prepared him delicious breakfasts, and he watched TV with him. He took perfect care of Xiao He in his everyday life. 

Besides being unable to go online, there wasn’t much of a difference from Xiao He’s life before.

It was just that he didn’t draw anymore. He didn’t want to draw anything anymore.

Fan Shen came back just as night was falling. He entered the house frowning, but as soon as he saw Xiao He, his brows smoothed out again.

As Xiao He stood there, Fan Shen walked over, lowered his head and kissed him. 

Xiao He didn’t move. Fan Shen said tenderly, “Open up.”

Xiao He was startled, but his lips soon loosened from his touch. 

Fan Shen drove right in, crashing straight into that little tongue he liked the most, twining around and licking it. He watched the man in his arms go limp because of him.

One kiss was enough to ignite a blazing fire. Xiao He already belonged to him.

When he thought of this, Fan Shen’s heart filled with intense joy. He carried Xiao He into the bathroom, and amid the rising steam, he gave Xiao He pleasure, and demanded pleasure from him as well.

After voraciously enjoying himself, Fan Shen held Xiao He and said lowly, “Let’s move.” 

Xiao He stiffened, and after a long time, he asked, “Why?”

His voice was a little hoarse, because Fan Shen had tormented him too fiercely just now, and he’d begged for mercy too many times. 

Fan Shen felt a little sorry for him, and pressed a kiss against his throat. Xiao He trembled slightly, and his eyes avoided him. “Don’t...don’t do it again.”

Fan Shen saw his look of fear and resistance, and a slight chill suddenly rose from his heart. The trace of pity from just now changed.

He hadn’t wanted to torment him again, but now he changed his mind.

Fan She leaned over, pressed him down and bit at his lips. In the still-warm water, he easily buried himself inside.

Xiao He abruptly gave out a low groan, and his body started trembling slightly.

By the time night had fallen, they had only just finished dinner.

The table was laden with Xiao He’s favorite food, but he didn’t have much of an appetite.

But even if he didn’t have an appetite, he still had to eat. If he didn’t eat, Fan Shen would…

Xiao He frowned and didn’t think about it anymore. He picked up his chopsticks and started eating dinner.

After dinner, everything was the same as usual. Under the pale moonlight, the room filled with the enchanting color of passion.

Fan Shen had said they should move, and they really did move.

Xiao He hadn’t gone out for a long time. When he suddenly saw sunlight, he found it a little hard to adjust.

But Fan Shen soon brought him into the car. 

It was very spacious inside this car, with seats facing each other across the aisle and a delicate, silvery-grey coffee table in the middle. 

A car like this definitely cost a considerable amount to manufacture.

Xiao He recovered and slowly came to an understanding. It looked like Fan Shen had discovered his origins and returned to his family.

This was probably what he’d been constantly busy lately with.

Xiao He had been tired out too much last night, so he started to doze off after he got on the car. Fan Shen noticed the difference in him and gathered him into his arms, saying softly, “Go to sleep, we still have a while until we get there.”

Xiao He leaned against him and dazedly fell asleep. 

Xiao He’s life after moving was a lot better than he’d imagined.

This mansion occupied a great deal of land. It was very spacious, and Xiao He didn’t need to stay inside every day. A garden took up all of the space outside, so he could walk around as he wished.

After they moved here, Fan Shen got busier, so busy he didn’t have the time to make demands on him every night.

Xiao He took a few days of real rest, but he was used to sleeping during the day. Once night came, he couldn’t fall asleep.

But being unable to sleep was still a lot better than before.

Fan Shen came back early tonight. The two men made love and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Having had his fill, the man holding him soon fell asleep, but Xiao He didn’t feel sleepy.

He waited quietly for a while, then gently pulled away from his arms and sat up. 

There was a wide floor-to-ceiling window beside the bed. Moonlight shone through the glass, falling on Fan Shen’s face.

Xiao He looked at him quietly, and suddenly closed his eyes.

There was an intense pain stirring in his chest.

Actually, he knew that he’d long since been unable to tell Ayr and Fan Shen apart. 

And he understood that he liked this man.

It didn’t matter whether it was the three months that he constantly remembered, or the eighteen years that kept him always in doubt.

He had been thinking of him from beginning to end.

If not for love, why would he suffer this humiliation?

Xiao He knew this, but he couldn’t say it.

In a situation like this, what was the use of saying it or not?

He couldn’t cure Fan Shen.

He’d wait a little longer. If it was completely hopeless, then he’d leave this place.

Things were always like this. When he thought it had reached the most terrible moment, something came afterward that made him even more surprised.

Xiao He recently developed an interest for sketching from nature. He took his sketchpad and sat alone in the vast garden, depicting the vitality of everything living around him.

He didn’t draw Ayr anymore, he didn’t draw Fan Shen, and he only poured all of his feelings into this beautiful landscape.

This way, he would be very calm at heart.

But...in his wildest dreams, he'd never thought of seeing that man.

Xiao He’s hand stiffened completely around his pencil, and he stared blankly at the man standing in the field of Japanese roses. 

The man had gorgeous long hair that the Milky Way on the horizon paled beside, and azure eyes that put the clear sky to shame. Standing there, he was the picture of peerless magnificence.

Xiao He rose to his feet, and he murmured as if in a dream, “Ayr…”

This wasn’t Fan Shen, this was Ayr. 

***

3 hours and 46 minutes for 2,370 words, or 9.5 minutes for every 100 words. A decrease in rate by 1.2 words 👌

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