Entering a Split Personality — Chapter 55

One sentence made Xiao He freeze, stiffening until he was completely motionless.

Hong Qing would give all of it to his master to see. If his master knew, then...then…

A vast despair spread from the depths of his heart. At that moment, Xiao He had only one emotion rushing up from his heart.

Death.

If he was doomed to face that hideous reality, he’d rather die like a coward.

At least if he died, he’d…

“Don’t think of killing yourself. Don’t think that death can solve all your troubles.” Hong Qing’s voice was very low and soft, with an almost treacherous gentleness. “If you die, I’ll tell him that you never loved him, and you were only treating him as a substitute for me… You couldn’t bear the torment of betrayal anymore, so you died in my arms.”

“Xiao He, he loves you, loves you a lot. Say, if he heard this, how would he feel? Tell me...would he collapse? When that time comes, will I be able to kill him easily?”

Kill him...Xiao He abruptly came back to himself. He gripped Hong Qing’s arms tightly, his eyes full of alarm. “Hong Qing, he’s your senior disciple, how can you have such thoughts?”

“Why can’t I? Everyone pays attention to him, and everyone likes him. I didn’t mind that before, but thinking about it now, if he wasn’t there, would everyone see me? If he died, would you fall in love with me?”

“Xiao He...I like you.” Hong Qing’s voice brimmed with intense affection. He kissed Xiao He and softly confided, “I’ve never had feelings like this before. When I see you, I’m happy, and when I can’t see you, I miss you. I’m already holding you, but I still want to hold you a little tighter. I’ve already had you countless times, but I’m still not satisfied…”

“...Now I understand that it’s because I wish that you could hold me too, and I long for you to want me too. Xiao He, I love you, but you don’t love me, so I’ve always felt empty here, and no matter what I do I can’t find peace.”

Hong Qing gestured at his heart, but Xiao He felt like his own chest was filled with thorns. 

“I’m sorry.” Xiao He’s voice was faint and powerless. “Hong Qing, I’m the one who was wrong.”

If he hadn’t teased him because of a momentary impulse back then, if he hadn’t thought to use him to forget Master at the beginning, then right now, he wouldn’t…

I’m reaping what I sowed. These five words leaped into Xiao He’s mind, and he couldn’t dismiss them no matter what.

Hong Qing held him and said quietly, “Xiao He, don’t leave me, okay? Don’t just want him, okay? I won’t tell him about us, and I won’t kill him, as long as you don’t talk about leaving me anymore.”

When he pleaded with him like this, Xiao He felt like countless holes were being stabbed into his heart, so painful he felt a little numb all over. 

“But this isn’t right.” Xiao He closed his eyes and said softly, “Hong Qing, this isn’t fair to you. One heart really can’t fit two people in it, there’s no way for me to…”

“Even when I say it like this, you don’t want to?” Hong Qing looked down at Xiao He, his already rose-red eyes seeming to flow with fresh blood. They were gorgeous and mournful, flooded with a bone-deep despair as dark as night. 

Xiao He felt a little nervous, and he said anxiously, “No, Hong Qing, it’s not that I don’t want to, but that I can’t. I can’t treat you like this, it’s too unfair to you. This isn’t a good way out, it’s just drinking poison to quench your thirst.”

“But you’re not even willing to give me poisoned wine. Xiao He, you’re so good to him, so why do you have to be so cruel to me?” 

Xiao He opened his mouth, still wanting to say a little more, but Yun Qing wasn’t willing to listen anymore.

No matter what, he couldn’t hear what he wanted to, so it was better for Xiao He to say nothing more.

Hong Qing kissed him and drove in roughly. He sucked on Xiao He’s earlobe and said lowly, “Remember, Xiao He, don’t leave me, or I’ll definitely kill him.”

Xiao He spent the night in a daze.

Hong Qing had never had any control over his excessive demands, and tonight he seemed even more like he’d gone mad. He didn’t let go of Xiao He for a moment.

Xiao He was so tired he fainted several times, but he was soon forced awake again. Hong Qing tormented him, and didn’t forget to use words to provoke him. “Xiao He, your heart loves him, but I feel like your body loves me. Look at how beautiful it is.”

Xiao He’s heart filled with shame, but he had no way to resist and he couldn’t refuse. 

If he failed to cooperate even slightly, Hong Qing would threaten him with the most vile of words.

Do you want to let him see how lewd you look right now? Do you want to let him know that your body craves me like this? Do you want to let him see how you look with your face crimson, pleading under me? 

Xiao He, do you want to make him collapse?

Then just refuse me.

Do you want to make him despair?

Then just resist me.

Xiao He...I know you’re not afraid of death, but you’re afraid of him dying, aren’t you? 

Trust me, if not for you, I wouldn’t be able to kill him, but with you here, he’ll die easily.

Because...he loves you.

I know from experience just how much he loves you, just how much.

This was a vicious circle.

Xiao He spent the whole night lingering in an abyss of despair.

Until daybreak.

Before, Hong Qing would help him wash up, rub medicine on the marks on his body and give him a special throat-soothing medicine, so his voice wouldn’t be hoarse.

But today, he didn’t do anything at all.

When the sun rose, he turned and left ruthlessly.

Xiao He was so tired he didn’t even want to lift a finger, but he couldn’t avoid moving.

It was dawn, and his master was going to return. If his master saw him like this…

Then everything would be over…

Xiao He endured the pain in his body, got up and staggered to the bathroom.

He felt pain with every step, and what was even more shameful was that he was so full of that stuff that he couldn’t bear it, and some of it was flowing out.

Xiao He gritted his teeth and walked quickly into the bathroom. Soaking in the warm pool, he couldn’t take it anymore, and he buried himself in the water and cried.

His happy life turned into a mess just like this.

How could he face his master?

Looking like this, how could he have the face to meet him?

Drowning despair attacked him, and at that moment, Xiao He really wanted to sink to the bottom of the water, never to wake again.

But Hong Qing’s words echoed like an alarm bell by his ear.

Xiao He had no choice but to raise his head, pull himself together and force himself to go on.

After washing himself clean, rubbing on ointment and drinking his medicine, Xiao He used magic to erase the traces left behind in the room. He finally sat on the edge of the bed, his face pale, looking blankly at the door.

After about two hours, Yun Qing returned.

Yun Qing looked at him, smiled softly and said, “I was a delayed for a while, were you worried?”

Xiao He looked at him unwaveringly, trying his hardest to find any differences in him.

Yun Qing didn’t suspect him. He bent his head and touched his lips. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s...it’s nothing.” Xiao He moved his gaze away, and after a while, he asked, “Master, what were you doing yesterday?”

There was a little exhaustion in the depths of Yun Qing’s eyes, but he was in a good mood. “Some miscellaneous matters having to do with Grandcloud Sect. I went to deal with them.”

He spoke in a rather perfunctory and casual way, but Xiao He didn’t actually really care. He was just looking for something to say.

Yun Qing looked down at him, but he only felt that Xiao He was quiet and well-behaved. He couldn’t resist giving his fair neck a kiss.

There was no need for him to let Xiao He know what he had gone to do.

It wasn’t easy to bear more than a hundred lightning strikes, but Yun Qing endured them gladly.

Only the fact that Xiao He loved him and felt passionate about him would trigger the heavenly calamity early.

Yun Qing was just glad that he’d carried out the calamity-reversal spell ahead of time, so Xiao He could avoid this hardship.

As he kissed him, Yun Qing’s mood fluctuated. His movements involuntarily intensified, and his hand reached slightly inwards.

Xiao He’s body trembled uncontrollably, and he inexplicably felt a little afraid, even panicked.

“M...master, let’s have a conversation, okay?”

Yun Qing looked up at him. “You don’t want to?”

Xiao He said softly, “I want to hold you, at night we can...um...okay?”

Yun Qing felt a strong desire, but he cared for Xiao He’s feelings.

The two men got along well, so they were happy just sitting together and talking quietly.

When Yun Qing saw how listless Xiao He looked, he took off his coat, brought him into his arms and leaned against him on the bed.

“Didn’t sleep well last night?” He asked him softly.

Xiao He nodded.

There was a little bit of a smile in the depths of Yun Qing’s eyes. “Missed me?”

Xiao He was startled, but he soon murmured, “Yeah, I missed you a lot.”

Yun Qing looked down at him and couldn’t resist landing a kiss on his forehead. “Alright, if you’re tired then go to sleep. I’m afraid that if we keep talking, you won’t be able to rest.”

Xiao He stiffened, but he soon buried his head against Yun Qing’s chest, no longer making a sound.

Xiao He was indeed tired, but he didn’t fall asleep that quickly.

He and Yun Qing were holding each other, and they were so close together, but ice water was flowing through his heart.

The better his master treated him, the harder it was for him to accept.

Then he began to question himself.

Was he really worthy of him?

He’d probably never been worthy of him.

If he was fated to disappoint him, then would it have been a little better if he’d never met him, never obtained him?

Why did it become the way it was now?

Xiao He closed his eyes, his lips faintly quivering. He was only able to suppress the despair welling up from the bottom of his heart by exhausting all his strength.

When he fell asleep, he actually slept all the way to the next day.

Xiao He was tired, and Yun Qing was tired as well.

So they slept in each other’s arms for a day and a night.

Early the next morning, Yun Qing ate breakfast with Xiao He and then got ready to leave again.

Xiao He tugged on Yun Qing’s sleeve and said, “Master, bring me with you, okay?”

He was afraid of Yun Qing leaving, because as soon as he left, Hong Qing would appear.

But Yun Qing couldn’t bring him.

By the time he finished taking nine hundred and ninety-nine lightning strikes, nine whole days would have passed.

Afraid that Xiao He would worry, Yun Qing kissed him and comforted him. “It’ll be boring if you come with me, stay here.”

“I won’t be bored with you here.” Xiao He said urgently.

But Yun Qing insisted. “Listen to me. I’ll come back a little earlier today.”

Once he said this, Xiao He couldn’t open his mouth anymore.

Yun Qing left, and Xiao He spent the whole day restless, with nothing to do.

But once night fell, Hong Qing came again. 

Hong Qing carried him to bed without saying a word, and once he took off his clothes, he bit Xiao He’s neck and said, “Tell me how many times you did it with him.”

It hurt so much Xiao He gave a stifled groan.

Hong Qing looked over Xiao He’s body and finally laughed and said, “He was very gentle, wasn’t he? Rubbing on medicine for you, and helping you relax. Just look at this body, moisturized until it’s like a piece of fine jade.”

“However…” Hong Qing smiled nastily, “I’m about to treat it roughly.”

As his words landed, he drove in without the slightest scruple. 

It hurt so much Xiao He gripped the bed sheets tight, unable to form a single word.

The night was debauched to the extreme. A few times, Xiao He thought he was going to die.

This lasted until Hong Qing left, and as before, Xiao He had to clean up the terrible mess by himself. 

The days kept passing like this. At first, Xiao He was still thinking about how to deal with this, but slowly, he turned into an ostrich burying his head in the sand, only wanting to take each moment as it came.

Yun Qing couldn’t possibly go so many days without touching him, and Xiao He didn’t dare to keep refusing him either.

On the fifth day, Yun Qing wanted him, and Xiao He was so tired that he actually slept all the way until nighttime.

Yun Qing helped him clean up and rubbed on medicine for him, but the medicine didn’t take effect that quickly, so when Hong Qing came, he saw the glaring red marks on his body.

After that, Hong Qing tormented him fiercely all night long.

When Xiao He woke the next day, his mind was in a complete daze.

But he still remembered that he had to go to the bathroom to rub on medicine. It was only that as soon as he got up, the door opened.

Yun Qing stood outside the door, looking at him steadily.

Xiao He froze in place, forgetting to blink. 

This wasn’t his master, it definitely wasn’t…

***

The author has something to say:

Well, girls, keep it down, you have to keep it down, we’re so clean and honest! Muah! 

***

banoffee: 2 hours and 46 minutes for 2,450 words, or 6.8 minutes for every 100 words. I actually got it below seven minutes, hurrah! 

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