Entering a Split Personality — Chapter 59

His family?

Xiao He retraced his steps again, and he stood there for a long time without making a sound.

He didn’t have a family, or he should say that he didn’t remember his family at all. Ever since he was seven years old, his memories had always had a gap in them.

He couldn’t remember anything from before he was seven years old, but everything that happened afterwards was vivid in his mind.

According to reason, a person should start to form memories from the age of two or three. At seven years old, they definitely wouldn’t forget it if anything big happened, but Xiao He couldn’t remember.

He didn’t have the slightest impression, and he couldn’t remember even the trace of one.

Xiao He didn’t make a sound, but he didn’t leave either.

Luo Fei looked at him and said quietly, “Haven’t you ever thought about it before? Your own family…”

“I can’t remember them.” Xiao He didn’t know why Luo Fei was asking him this, but he didn’t have much to hide.

“I’ve completely forgotten about everything that happened before I was seven years old, and I don’t even have the slightest impression of it.”

Luo Fei’s eyes didn’t hold the faintest surprise. He just gazed at him and asked softly, “Why would you forget?”

Xiao He felt a little irritated. He just frowned and said, “I don’t know.”

Just as the words left his mouth, Xiao He felt that his tone wasn’t too great, so he added, “It’s no big deal that I’ve forgotten them. They abandoned me, so they didn’t want me. The fact that I don’t remember them saves trouble for both sides.”

These were Xiao He’s true feelings. It would be impossible to say that he had never thought of his parents before.

Xiao He himself wasn’t willing to remember how difficult it was for him, a small child of seven or eight years of age, to toil and train alone at the bottom rung of Grandcloud Sect.

During the nights when he couldn’t sleep from hunger, the days when he curled up shivering from the cold, the months and years when he was covered with wounds from his bullies, Xiao He would think of them late at night.

If he had parents, then he wouldn’t have to be so lonely and helpless.

If he had relatives, then people wouldn’t bully and humiliate him like this.

If he had just one person to depend on, he wouldn’t have to live so lowly every day just for the sake of survival.

But these weak thoughts couldn’t save him. Besides filling him with self-pity, they had no other use.

And pity was the most worthless of things.

So slowly, Xiao He no longer thought this, and he instilled an idea in himself.

Since they’d abandoned him, since they’d left him, that meant that even if he had them, he wouldn’t be able to get the care and warmth he wanted.

Since it was like this, losing his memory wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

He’s forgotten them...so at least he wouldn’t be sad.

They all abandoned him, but at least he could rely on himself and live on.

Xiao He had always told himself this, but today, Luo Fei raised another possibility.

“Xiao He, have you ever thought...that they had no choice but to leave you behind?”

Xiao He suddenly pursed his mouth, and a trace of severity flashed through his eyes. “Luo Fei, what exactly do you want to tell me?”

At this point, if Xiao He still didn’t understand, he’d be a fool. Luo Fei obviously knew something, but he refused to say it openly, and kept hinting at it obscurely.

Xiao He looked at Luo Fei and said coldly, “If you know something, then please tell it to me directly. If it’s something you can’t be sure of, then please don’t lead me to random guesses.”

Luo Fei was caught off guard for a moment, but the corners of his mouth soon rose slightly, pulling it into a smile.

This smile was light and relaxed, but when Xiao He saw it, vigilance arose in his heart.

They hadn’t seen each other for six years. He had changed, and Luo Fei had changed as well.

The boy from six years before smiled brightly, openly and warmly, but he would never smile as hollowly as he did now.

“You’ve always been smart.” Luo Fei spoke.

Xiao He looked at him without blinking.

Luo Fei sighed and continued, “Since it’s like this, I won’t conceal it anymore. I’ve been away from the sect for the last six years, and I’ve seen, heard and learned many things. But there’s one thing that I’ve always cared about, and that’s the case where the entire Zongyang Xiao clan was exterminated, fifteen years ago.”

When he heard “Xiao clan,” Xiao He’s pupils abruptly shrank.

Luo Fei continued, “The Zongyang Xiao clan was a large and influential clan of cultivators. They produced many capable people generation after generation, their coffers were deep, and they had a strong foundation. But fifteen years ago, I don’t know which immortal they provoked, but they were actually swept clean in one night. There were several thousand people in the whole clan, and whether young or old, not one was left alive. Even the centuries-old Xiao family mansion was burnt to nothing.”

Xiao He lived on Bluephoenix Peak all year round, and his understanding of the outside world wasn’t great. It was limited to what the people around him said. 

But just because he hadn’t heard much didn’t mean his mind couldn’t work. He said frigidly, “How many people in the world are surnamed Xiao? It couldn’t be that everyone surnamed Xiao is a clan member of the Zongyang Xiao clan?”

“Of course they wouldn’t be.” Luo Fei affirmed his words, but he soon turned the subject around again. “But there’s only one person in the world who lost his memory and survived on the night of the Zongyang Xiao clan’s extermination.” 

Xiao He’s heart suddenly jumped.

Luo Fei looked at him and said softly, “Many things, no matter how much someone else says them, are useless if you’re not willing to believe them.” 

“Xiao He, this is the information that I’ve gathered over a long time. You can look through it, but you have to be careful…” Luo Fei suddenly moved close to him and said quietly in his ear, “Don’t let that good master of yours find out.”

Xiao He trembled suddenly all over. A chill rose from the bottom of his heart, spreading instantly throughout him, and seeming as if it was going to freeze all the blood in his body. 

Luo Fei left.

Xiao He stood there, his hand wrapped around a jade slip. 

The jade slip had a bright luster, and it was white and translucent. It was a piece of fine goods used for storing information.

Xiao He often used this kind of thing. Not only could it store cultivation methods and secret techniques, it could also hold sounds and images.

It was very convenient and easy to use.

Xiao He had used many jade slips before, but he’d never been as tense and apprehensive as he was now, as if this jade slip wasn’t made of jade, but scalding lava. Just one touch could make him experience a piercing pain.

But it was wrong to avoid this.

If there was a precipice before him, then closing his eyes would only lead to a fall. But if he opened his eyes, whether good or bad, he might still be able to escape!

Gritting his teeth, Xiao He opened the little jade slip with trembling hands.

In a flash, his face turned pale, and even his lips were almost translucent in color. 

If he said words weren’t convincing enough, then these scattered fragments and inconsequential sounds were conclusive. 

He was the third son of the Zongyang Xiao family. 

His name was Xiao Yang.

He was the youngest son, so he’d been doted on since he was little. His father was affectionate, his mother was gentle, and his eldest brother and second brother were both outstanding. They loved him and pampered him until they wished they could give him all the best things in the world. 

This was a life that Xiao He had never even dared to imagine. He'd thought they’d abandoned him, but actually...he’d had a family happy enough to incite the envy of everyone on earth.

But in one night, the Xiao clan was destroyed. Everyone died, and not even a single one was left.

Only Xiao He survived, only him...why was it only him!

Absent-minded, Xiao He couldn’t spare the time to say goodbye to Rui Xin and the others, returning to Bluephoenix Peak ahead of them.

When he returned to the palace, he saw his master in one glance.

Then, as if a gate had opened, countless thoughts surged out like a raging river, so that Xiao He almost couldn’t stand straight. 

The Zongyang Xiao clan had been a large and influential cultivator clan, and its centuries-old foundation was hard to shake.

But in one night, they’d turned to ashes.

Who in the world had the power to do this?

There was one man.

Only one man.

The whole clan was wiped out, whether young or old, but one boy was left behind.

That boy was saved.

That boy had amnesia.

Who...had saved that boy!

The chill in the depths of his heart rushed through his blood and pervaded him, making it so he couldn’t help but shiver all over.

He’d always believed Yun Qing was his savior.

But the possibility that emerged at this instant pushed him to the verge of collapse.

If this was all true, if he was really the one who did it.

Then he...what exactly should he…

What exactly should he do...

Xiao He could finally bear it no longer. Under the strong dizziness from the wine and the pain piercing his heart, he fainted.

Yun Qing caught him, and clothes soaked through with cold sweat met his hands. 

What had happened to him?

Yun Qing frowned and called out softly, “Little He?”

Xiao He trembled, curling up as if he’d been greatly upset.

Yun Qing’s brows locked tightly, a trace of shadow flashing through the depths of his eyes.

Luo Fei, you shouldn’t have returned.

***

Xiao He had a dream, a dream so realistic it didn’t seem like a dream.

But he would rather this were a dream. In the dream, he prayed silently that this had to be a dream.

His master couldn’t possibly kill his family, his master couldn’t possibly do something like this. 

He saved him, gave him life and gave him love. He’d already taken hold of all of him.

So he couldn't be the man who’d destroyed the Xiao clan.

But...besides him, who else could it be?

There was a lot of information recorded on Luo Fei’s jade slip, so much that Xiao He needed a long time to slowly digest it.

He was Yun Qing’s calamity, a calamity fated to happen since the moment he was born.

Once he overcame this calamity, Yun Qing could rise upwards and reach the higher world.

But Yun Qing had told him that he no longer wanted to overcome his calamity, that he would rather stay with him all his life.

But had Yun Qing thought so back then?

—Xiao He, do you know why he didn’t kill you?

—You’re his calamity. He could kill everyone in the world, but he couldn’t touch you.

—But he had to have you die. Once you died, everything would be resolved.

—You were pampered and doted on ever since you were a child, and you had your fill of affection. If you were left ruined and orphaned in one night, how could a child only seven years old survive?

—Think about the trials you suffered when you were small; think about the pain you tasted when you were young. Think about it, in the days when people bullied and humiliated you, how many times did you hover on the verge of death?

—This was all what he gave you. He wanted to make you die, wanted to make you disappear forever.

No, that’s not right. Xiao He panicked in his dream. He doesn’t want me to die, he likes me, he...he…

—That’s right. You grew up, and he met you and fell in love with you, so he changed his mind.

 —But even if it’s like this, he’s still the enemy who exterminated your entire clan! 

 —Xiao He, sleeping at his side, aren’t you afraid that your family members who died tragically won’t be able to rest in peace?! 

***

The author has something to say:

There’s a military parade today, muah~ I’ll update this much first, then go to watch it on TV!

***

 

banoffee: 3 hours for 2,196 words, or 8.2 minutes for every 100 words. An increase in rate by 0.1 minutes... 😅

We've finally reached the exciting part!

Xiao He's birth name, Xiao Yang, has the same surname (Xiāo, 萧) meaning "desolate," and the personal name Yang (Yáng, 阳), which is the yang from yin-yang. This is the same Yang as the one in the place the Xiao clan is from, Zongyang (Zōngyáng, 枞阳). The Zong means "fir." Zongyang is also a real county in southwest China.

Here's a picture of some jade slips bound together:

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