Entering a Split Personality — Chapter 60

—Xiao He, sleeping at his side, aren’t you afraid that your family members who died tragically won’t be able to rest in peace?! 

Struck by a sudden blow to his mind, Xiao He abruptly opened his eyes, not even the slightest bit sleepy anymore.

A familiar room, familiar curtains, and a warmth and scent behind him so familiar he knew them in his bones.

This was the life that he had longed for even in his dreams, but at this moment he felt terrified, and anxiety filled his entire heart.

What should he do?

Everyone said that lovers should trust each other.

But how could he trust in him in a matter like this?

Could he say anything? Or rather, he should say, if he opened his mouth and asked him, would it be of any use?

Whether or not his master bore any responsibility in this matter, as long as Xiao He asked him, he would definitely say it had nothing to do with him. 

If he did it, he would say he hadn’t, and if he hadn’t done it, then of course he would say so.

Xiao He trusted that as soon as he revealed the slightest misgivings of this kind, his master would definitely make everything turn to nothing, so that even the few clues that should’ve been left behind would disappear until almost nothing was left.

No...that wasn’t right. Xiao He smiled self-deprecatingly. His master would give him an answer, an answer so flawless he wouldn’t be able to pick out any points of doubt.

Well...that wasn’t right either. Xiao He’s heart sank again, and the rims of his eyes ached a little. He could make him lose his memory once, so why wouldn’t he be able to do it a second time? What need was there to go to so much trouble?

His heart cold, Xiao He lay stiffly like this all night, forcing himself to while the time away.

And with an attitude like this, how could Yun Qing fail to perceive it?

He held Xiao He from behind and didn’t let go all night long, but he could feel the heart of the man in his arms slowly drawing away from him.

Xiao He had liked Luo Fei in the past.

Yun Qing had never doubted that, despite what Xiao He had said before.

After all, on that first night, Xiao He kept calling out Luo Fei’s name.

This was a thorn in Yun Qing’s heart. He couldn’t pull out, and he had no way to touch upon it. 

He wasn’t willing to mention that night, because mentioning it would be reminding Xiao He. He wasn’t willing to let Xiao He remember him. Even just imagining it was enough to give him the urge to kill someone. 

But...he couldn’t kill Luo Fei. If he killed him, he wouldn’t be able to pull out this thorn all his life.

He could kill him seamlessly, but he and Xiao He had to stay together all their lives. He wasn’t willing to leave behind the slightest flaw in the depths of Xiao He's heart.

Because he knew that cause and effect were a cycle, and even the smallest of causes would constantly accumulate over time, growing into a huge and irrevocable adverse effect. 

When that time came, it would be useless if he wanted to regret it. 

So he only made Luo Fei go far away from Xiao He.

He was willing to use time, feelings and his own heart to make Xiao He belong completely to him, forever. 

But…

The young were fickle.

Yun Qing had always firmly believed this.

It was easy for Xiao He to love him, and it was also easy for him to remember someone else.

He held him all the time, but unfortunately, there was too great of a distance between two people. Even if they were this close, he couldn’t touch his heart.

Yun Qing felt the young man in his arms trembling faintly, and the warmth in his eyes gradually cooled.

Who was Xiao He thinking of?

Was he remembering the past?

Was he thinking of him?

He’d only reunited with him once, and it caused such a great fluctuation in his mood?

Exactly how much weight did Luo Fei hold in his heart?

Yun Qing had thought he was clear about this, but now he found that he didn’t understand at all.

But there was one thing he could be sure of.

He’d already given him his heart, but Xiao He’s heart didn’t only hold him.

His wavering was enough to prove everything.

The intimate lovers slept in each other’s arms all night, but their thoughts were all their own.

Early the next morning, Xiao He opened his eyes, and the rays of light that entered them pricked them until they ached. 

He breathed out slowly and looked around. Not seeing that familiar figure, a burst of disappointment surged up from the bottom of his heart, but at the same time, he also felt like sighing in relief.

It was fine if Yun Qing wasn’t here. He could calmly consider this problem for a moment.

He hadn’t slept all night, and he’d been close to despair several times. But Xiao He wasn’t a cowardly, powerless man, so he wouldn’t go so far as to fall without getting up again. 

Even if the road ahead was fated to end in despair, Xiao He still wanted to know.

It was fine if it was his master, and it was fine if it wasn’t him as well.

As long as he recovered his memory, everything would be solved.

If he couldn’t ask Yun Qing, then he’d just search for an answer himself.

No matter what the truth was, he would bear it by himself.

Suppressing the pain that felt like it was splitting his heart apart, Xiao He sorted out his things and left the house early.

Luo Fei definitely knew more about this. He had to ask him for an explanation.

The two men in Bluephoenix Palace didn’t sleep all night, and Luo Fei had waited for Xiao He all night as well.

It wasn’t until early morning, when the sun was shining brightly and the handsome young man appeared before him, that the dark haze in the depths of Luo Fei’s eyes disappeared completely, giving rise to a smile instead.

“You came.” Luo Fei walked to him.

But Xiao He got directly to why he was here. “I looked at the jade slip. I’m Xiao Yang, but that doesn’t have to mean anything. My master is indeed the foremost person on earth, but that doesn’t mean he had to have destroyed the Zongyang Xiao clan. As for the calamity you spoke of, forgive me, but I find it hard to believe that my master would do this kind of thing just for a selfish desire.” 

Xiao He spoke calmly and rationally. The depths of Luo Fei’s eyes darkened a little, but his tone didn’t change too much. “Then what do you want to do?”

“I want to recover my memories!” Xiao He spoke resolutely and decisively.

Luo Fei said, “Yes, that’s the right thing to do. As long as you recover the memories you lost, everything will become clear.” 

Xiao He nodded and said his final goal in coming to him. “Luo Fei, I hope that you won’t mention this to anyone.” 

Luo Fei replied, “Don’t worry, there absolutely won’t be a third person to know of this.”

Xiao He looked at Luo Fei. He actually felt suspicious toward him, because he could sense the enmity he had for Yun Qing, but he couldn’t be bothered to look into that right now. He only wanted to find out the truth as fast as possible.

As long as he had his memories from before, everything would be easily solved. 

Seeing that Xiao He was about to leave, Luo Fei said, “The spell to seal one’s memories seems mysterious, but it’s actually just a unique array that’s released onto a person’s body. As long as you can break through that array, you’ll be able to recover your memories.” 

Xiao He’s steps paused slightly.

Luo Fei continued, “I came across quite a few opportunities while I was away from the sect, and I once obtained a book on breaking arrays. It’s just that the book is rather obscure and difficult to understand, so I’ve never been able to fully grasp it. If you don’t have any other ideas, you might as well find the time to come to my place, and we can study it together.”

Xiao He’s original idea had also been to find a spell for breaking arrays, but he hadn’t thought that Luo Fei actually already had one. 

But he still hesitated. He really couldn’t trust Luo Fei.

Did Luo Fei mean him well? Xiao He wasn’t sure.

They were good friends six years ago, but the time they’d interacted wasn’t actually that long. Now that they’d suddenly separated for six years, after such a long time with no contact, anyone would change. So he couldn’t figure out what Luo Fei’s motive was.

“Luo Fei, I won’t dodge around it anymore. Let’s get straight to the point and have a talk.” Xiao He looked at him calmly.

Luo Fei was a little startled.

Xiao He continued, “The information in the jade slip you gave me is lengthy and wide-ranging. You obviously exerted a great deal of effort to earnestly and painstakingly collect it. Now you’re saying that you have a book on breaking arrays as well… I’m not overthinking it, but I just want to ask, why are you doing this?”

Hearing his question, Luo Fei’s expression stiffened slightly, but he soon said unhurriedly, “We’ve parted for six years, but you’re a good friend of mine. I happened to find out about the Zongyang Xiao clan incident, and I felt that it concerned you, so I…”

“Don't prevaricate.” Xiao He frowned. “If you don’t want to say the truth, then fine, I’ll go find an array-breaking spell by myself. You won’t have to bother…”

“It’s because of Master Yun Qing.” Luo Fei suddenly said.

When Xiao He heard these words, his heart trembled.

Luo Fei looked at Xiao He, his eyes so still and dark they seemed like the deep pit of an old well, without the slightest ripple. “Because I want to take revenge.”

Xiao He said worriedly, “You really do feel enmity for my master.”

“That’s right.” Luo Fei simply didn’t pretend anymore. “Xiao He, he treats you very well, but that doesn’t mean he’s a good person!”

“Do you know?” Luo Fei moved closer to him and said softly, “Six years ago, I liked you, liked you a lot. But he fell for you as well, sensed that we were getting closer and felt jealous at heart, so he found an excuse to send me away, exiling me to that kind of remote place.”

Xiao He’s pupils abruptly shrank. “You were obviously…”

 “Hah...going to explore the Forest of Secrets?” Luo Fei chuckled softly. “In that kind of place, even someone with a Foundation Building cultivation would be likely to die by chance, not to mention my cultivation stage at the time! I didn’t want to believe it at first, but after narrowly escaping death a few times and suffering through trials, I finally understood that I’d been abandoned, and someone wanted me to die without a sound!”

“But I had never offended anyone, so why would someone want me to die? It wasn’t until that I learned that you had gotten together with him that I understood completely.”

“Xiao He, I just liked you, and that was all. I didn’t want to fight with him over you, but he actually wanted me to die because of this?!”

“Xiao He, it wouldn’t matter if he killed me, but he tormented until I felt that death was preferable to life. He made all of this happen to me. He’s forced me to retaliate!”

Luo Fei kept talking, but Xiao He just felt like his head was buzzing and his heart was beating fast, so fast it seemed like it was about to jump out of his chest.

Luo Fei saw Xiao He’s pale face, and he suddenly softened his voice and said, “But don’t worry, I want to take revenge, but I haven’t been messing around. I painstakingly dug up the Zongyang Xiao clan incident, and all of the evidence points toward him. I wanted to let you see the truth clearly, see the facts, see Yun Qing that…”

“I know!” Xiao He suddenly raised his head and looked at Luo Fei. “I’ll recover my memories, I’ll resolve this, and I’ll...help you find justice!”

Luo Fei took a deep breath, pressed down the dark emotions in the depths of his heart, and said solemnly, “Okay.” 

In the days that came afterward, Xiao He threw himself into breaking the array.

Luo Fei’s book absolutely wasn’t an ordinary piece of goods. The contents were deep, but he had to say that if he could use them skillfully, he’d definitely succeed.

Xiao He wholeheartedly wanted to see the truth and be clear about Yun Qing.

Luo Fei wholeheartedly wanted to let Xiao He see the truth, and thus retaliate against Yun Qing.

Their final goals were entirely different, but the processes were the same. So the two men invested all of their energy into desperately trying to break the array as fast as possible.

But no matter how fast they worked, around seven or eight days passed in the blink of an eye.

They were about to succeed, so for the last few days Xiao He had been busy at Luo Fei’s place until late at night.

The moon was bright and the stars were sparse. Xiao He walked back to Bluephoenix Palace, a little exhausted. As soon as he entered the palace, he sensed the man standing in the middle of the hall.

Xiao He was a little startled, but he didn’t take the initiative to speak. 

Yun Qing looked at him, his gaze calm. His voice was soft, but echoing in the vast main hall, it was still so clear it seemed it would penetrate his ears and reach the depths of his heart.

“Don’t go to find him tomorrow, okay?”

***

The author has something to say: 

Um, I went out to have fun yesterday, and played until it was very late, so I didn’t have time to update, muah.

The plot in the last few chapters was a bit of a pain in the ass, so I’ll give a spoiler in advance. To a great degree, Xiao He’s master is a very very very good lover, and he could even be called perfect. But he’s destined to be unable to be perfect. There’s foreshadowing here that will later be revealed, but it’s not a plot hole.

As for the torment and misunderstandings, really, just relax and you’ll be fine; they’re destined to have a happy ending. If you’re really afraid then take a breather for a few days. This world should be ending very soon, but don’t worry, the ending isn’t a pit, and everything will become clear. Generally speaking, this is a very complete story, and I like it a lot, so it definitely won’t finish with Xiao He remembering reality and then the arc ending, muah.

I have a feeling you’ll condemn the way Yun Qing punished Luo Fei. There’s foreshadowing here as well, so don’t worry for now. (Waaaah, I just hate that I can’t write tens of thousands of words in one breath.)

***

banoffee: 3 hours and 17 minutes for 2,620 words, or 7.5 minutes for every 100 words. A decrease in rate by 0.7 minutes, yay! 

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