***
Xiao He didn’t know how to answer this question.
That’s right, if he didn’t love him, why did he make love with him?
Xiao He was at a loss, but Fan Shen softly added a few words for him. “You didn’t recognize him and thought he was me?”
Fan Shen had found an excuse for him!
Xiao He was abruptly startled.
Fan Shen continued, “Fan Chen always wore a mask before, and once he took off his mask, he looked just like me. He deliberately pretended to be me, and you couldn’t tell us apart, right?”
With Fan Shen saying something like this, he was simply helping Xiao He find an excellent explanation, an explanation he hadn’t even thought of himself...
But he had a strange feeling about this.
Xiao He didn’t make a sound. Fan Shen kept up his standard smile, and after a while, he said, “Or maybe it was for the sake of confusing him?”
Xiao He’s heart jumped.
Fan Shen continued, “In order to make him let down his guard, you made love with him, and then took the opportunity to kill him?”
Another excuse!
At this instant, Xiao He had to pick one of them.
That’s right, if he really wanted to cover it up, it was easy. There were thousands of excuses, and any random one was fine.
But fortunately...Xiao He understood Fan Shen.
So he didn’t fall into this trap.
No matter which one of Fan Shen's personalities it was, they all lacked a sense of security and weren’t willing to believe in others.
Xiao He could lie, but lying would mean pushing him away completely.
Xiao He could sense that Fan Shen’s current state was abnormal, very abnormal.
He couldn’t stimulate him any further, he absolutely couldn’t.
Once he calmed down, Xiao He figured it out.
Fan Shen could help him think of thousands of excuses, but all he really wanted was a single true answer.
Xiao He took a deep breath and said slowly, “Because I love him.”
This was the truest answer. He was intimate with him because he loved him.
Fan Shen listened quietly. A smile was still blooming on his lips, but like a flower sealed in ice, it had a beautiful appearance, but it chilled to the bone.
“You love him.”
“Yes.” Xiao He swallowed and said a little nervously, “I love you both!”
When he said these four words, Fan Shen abruptly looked up. His once-empty pupils shrank, and once they focused again, they held tremendous rage and bone-deep hatred. “Love...you both? Can the word ‘love’ accommodate three people? Xiao He! Don’t provoke me anymore!”
He was terrifying like this, as if he was about to obliterate the man in front of him at the next instant.
But Xiao He wasn’t afraid at all. Compared to the furious man before him, he was more afraid of the empty, lifeless, beautiful shell from before.
But Xiao He was still afraid of dying, really afraid, so he didn’t dare to delay. He said hurriedly, “Love can’t contain three people, I know that, but the two of you are a single person!”
“Enough! Xiao He, enough!” Fan Shen suddenly rose with a forceful air, like an unsheathed blade, sharp and frightening. “When exactly are you going to stop deceiving me? What kind of fool do you take me for!”
“I don’t!” Xiao He didn’t have a loud voice. Speaking this loudly, he was practically about to tear his throat, but he didn’t care. He shouted loudly, “I’ve never lied to you. What I said was all the truth. Fan Shen, he and you are the same person. You’re both Fan Shen, and Fan Shen is my lover. Don’t torture yourself anymore, and don’t torment me anymore, okay? I know that you know, I know that you’ll understand, I know that you can remember!”
When he roared this loudly, he was almost incoherent, but Fan Shen abruptly jolted.
“Wake up! Fan Shen, wake up! No one knows better than you what my feelings for you are. Don’t refuse, reject or try to drive me away anymore. I don’t have any malice or bad intentions. I just want to wake you up, I just want to hug you, kiss you and truly make love to you in reality!”
Every word was completely absurd, without the slightest logic, but despite that, it was so sincere.
Fan Shen looked at him as if he were looking at a complete stranger.
But Xiao He kept speaking. “Don’t avoid me anymore...if there’s anything wrong, you can tell me…”
A single, simple sentence made Fan Shen’s mind seem to explode, countless memories emerging from within.
His face instantly turned as white as paper. Xiao He anxiously clutched his hand. Fan Shen was silent for a long time, and finally, when everything around them began to crumble, he looked up at the man beside him. “Xiao He, have Qin Su stop, and you should give up as well. Don’t try to wake me up anymore, I…”
Xiao He’s heart tightened, and he asked urgently, “Why? Fan Shen, you know now, right? You know everything, so why? Why don’t you want to wake up?”
Fan Shen laboriously shook his head, his brows gathered and he said, “I’m very grateful to you, but I'm sorry…”
Xiao He felt like he was about to touch upon something, but at that moment, everything disappeared.
The world ended and Xiao He left, waking in reality.
He was as frustrated as he was in the beginning. Xiao He couldn’t come back to himself for a long time.
Why...just why?
When Fan Chen left, he clearly had the memories from the personality fragments before him, and he even thanked him. So why did Fan Shen want him to give up?
Xiao He couldn’t understand or figure it out, and he even had a deep sense of defeat.
He felt as if everything he’d done was rejected.
Xiao He took a deep breath. Once he came back to himself, Qin Su gave him a glass of warm water as usual.
Xiao He took a sip, and once he warmed up a little, he said quietly, “I saw Fan Shen.”
Startled, Qin Su’s eyes showed a flash of light. “Mr. Xiao, you’re saying you saw the young master?”
“That’s right...it should’ve been him...and he had his memories of reality…”
Qin Su couldn’t help but question him. “Then...you…”
Xiao He could understand what Qin Su was feeling, but he could only pour cold water on him. “He said that you should stop and I should give up, and not try to wake him up anymore.”
When his words fell, the room was completely silent.
Qin Su didn’t make a sound, and Xiao He didn’t look at him, turning to look at the deeply-asleep man beside him instead. He felt very complicated inside.
You could never rouse someone who wasn’t asleep.
Because it wasn’t that he didn’t hear you, but that he didn’t want to listen.
After a long silence passed, Xiao He looked at Qin Su and said, “I’ve never asked, but now I want to know. How did Fan Shen end up like this? Did something happen to him? Did he receive some irreversible shock?”
He asked him this, but Qin Su was silent.
***
The author has something to say:
Ahem...never mind, I’ll go on writing anyway. The next world is a lot of fun too~ I’ll figure it out as I write, letting it end naturally is fine, muah! Let’s enjoy it together~ Love you all!
***
banoffee: 1 hour and 22 minutes for 1,284 words, or 6.4 minutes for every 100 words. A decrease in rate by 2.4 minutes! This is faster than I was at the end of Runaway Guide! I finished this chapter in a single day.
If you like this translation, please consider encouraging me on Ko-fi! Extra chapter for every two ko-fis π
ahhhh damn what actually happened QAQ (tysm for TL!)
ReplyDeleteML: Stop trying to wake me up or the author will write more abuse for us...
ReplyDeleteThis world made me wonder about something... does our Fan Shen get excited when he is angry? Or is it that he can just get it hard whenever he wants??
ReplyDeleteBecause, every time he gets angry with Xiao He, in like 3 seconds, he would just get hard and do him xdxd
Ahahahaha
Wathever, even if he does get aroused by NTR, its fine!
Thanks for the chapter