Entering a Split Personality — Chapter 90

This was a problem without a solution.

But...Xiao He still didn't want anything to happen to Fan Shen.

If he never woke up, he’d die in the end.

No matter what, he didn’t want Fan Shen to die.

As long as there was life, there was hope. As long as he was alive, there was still a possibility, as long as he was alive...there might be a day, a day...when they could be together.

This was cruel to Fan Shen, this was taking advantage of him, but Xiao He still said without the slightest hesitation: “Wake up, Fan Shen, please wake up. I won’t see you, I’ll never see you even once. But I hope you can live, even if we’re separated by a great distance, even if I can never see you, even if I can only silently long for you all my life. I hope that you can live.”

When Xiao He said this, Fan Shen creased his brows slightly.

But slowly, Xiao He began to fall apart. He cried until he couldn’t stop his tears from falling, until his voice was choked with sobs, as if his whole chest were filled with despair.

“If you die...Fan Shen, if you let me find out that you’re dead, then I won’t live on anymore either, I absolutely won’t go on living.” 

If I can hear the news that you’re alive from far away, then at least I’ll see hope in continuing to survive.

So...even if it’s selfish, please, you have to wake up.

Was Fan Shen a man who took no responsibility for himself?

No...he was braver, stronger and more resolute of will than anyone.

He only had to think of waking up for his heart to fill with pain, but Fan Shen knew Xiao He’s mind and felt his love. He couldn’t let him down.

“Alright…” Fan Shen kissed his forehead and said quietly, “I promise you, I’ll live on.”

He shouldn’t let Xiao He bear all of this alone. He should at least give Xiao He the time to go through the process of slowly, normally and gradually forgetting him.

This was their last embrace, so they held each other and intertwined, wishing that they could kiss every part of each other’s bodies.

However, the moment for this to end came at last.

Xiao He fell asleep satisfied, and woke in a sea of emptiness.

Having returned to reality, he felt no joy, only a despair and grief that drowned him to the point that he didn’t even know what to say or do.

Xiao He was lost in a daze every time he woke up, so Qin Su didn’t disturb him.

But this time, Xiao He couldn’t calm down no matter what.

He didn’t dare to look at Fan Shen who was sleeping near him, and only turned over and got out of bed, saying quietly to Qin Su, “Come on, let’s step out to talk.” 

Qin Su rose and led him out of the room.

Xiao He took a deep breath and said softly, “Before long, Fan Shen will wake up.”

Once these words came out his mouth, Qin Su stiffened slightly, and his eyes that had always been calm as water filled with undisguised joyful surprise.

Xiao He saw this, but couldn’t smile.

Actually, he had worried before whether Qin Su would be disloyal to Fan Shen.

But now, Xiao He understood that anyone Fan Shen left by his side must be very loyal. Qin Su seemed rather enigmatic, but inside, he probably revered Fan Shen a great deal.

At that moment, Xiao He felt a little jealous instead.

Even Qin Su could stay by Fan Shen’s side, but he couldn’t.

But...Xiao He understood.

To Fan Shen, Qin Su was just a subordinate no matter what, while he was the closest, most intimate and inseparable of lovers to Fan Shen.

Their positions were so far apart that their requirements were very different as well.

Everyone said that lovers couldn’t tolerate the slightest thing coming between them. It wasn’t that Xiao He had never thought of trying, but he knew...they would definitely be able to get along peacefully in the beginning, but like flesh met with a blunt knife, by the time they felt the pain, everything would already be in tatters.

What he and Fan Shen were afraid of was the moment when their love for each other died.

No longer thinking about this, Xiao He continued speaking. “Before that happens, can you help Fan Shen erase the memories of his treatment?”

This was Xiao He’s little plan, and it was the last thing he could do for Fan Shen.

Qin Su must have the ability to do this. After all, he had said so at the beginning.

When Xiao He said this, Qin Su was a little baffled. “You...you don’t want to see the young master anymore?”

Xiao He nodded. “We’ll never see each other again.”

Qin Su frowned slightly. “Is there some conflict between you? I gave you a reminder at the beginning, but if you're sure, you and the young master can have a relationship. I don’t have the right to…”

“No.” Xiao He shook his head, almost forcing his voice to flow from his rough throat. “We can’t be together, and we’ve already reached agreement on this. You just have to make him forget all this. That’s the best option for him and me.” 

Qin Su still wanted to say something, but Xiao He didn’t want to talk anymore.

“That’s all. I’m going to go back. I haven’t gone home for a long time, and I want to rest.”

Qin Su wasn’t someone who was good at soothing people. Seeing that Xiao He had already made up his mind, Qin Su could only swallow his words.

Xiao He left, left without concern.

He knew Fan Shen would wake up, and he knew he would find out he’d lost his memories by reading Qin Su’s mind.

But it didn’t matter. Only he and Fan Shen knew about the things that had happened between them. Qin Su had only heard some fragmented words, and those didn’t count for much.

And once he lost his memories, what he lost wouldn’t only be memories, but feelings.

Without that frame of mind, all his experiences would fade and wouldn’t be able to arouse any response.

At most, Fan Shen would be confused, but Xiao He knew he wouldn’t be curious.

He was smart, and how could such a smart man not understand?

This way...at least Fan Shen didn’t need to bear the burden of their relationship, and Xiao He could relieve some of the pressure on him.

However...when Xiao He returned home, for the first time, he couldn’t smile at his parents. He went back to his room, hid under his blanket and cried until he was gasping for breath.

He personally forfeited all the happiness in his life.

***

The author has something to say:

The afternoon’s round of fun has arrived~ Muah~ I have a feeling I can keep going all the way until the end, isn’t that too cool!? 

Well, I have to go make steamed buns in a bit. I don’t know whether there’s still five updates left, but there should be another update coming tonight!

Let me give you a kiss~ 

***

banoffee: 1 hour and 9 minutes for 1,244 words, or 5.5 minutes for every 100 words! I've never been this fast! I've broken my own record! That's 2.9 minutes faster than last chapter, and a whole minute faster than I was at the end of Runaway Guide! 😆😊🙌

I thought I'd include some pictures of our own homemade steamed buns to go with the author's comments. Here's the filling before and after it's mixed~ it's lamb, carrot and onion. 

If you like this translation, please consider encouraging me on Ko-fi! Extra chapter for every ko-fi 💛

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