Entering a Split Personality — Chapter 61

Don’t go see him?

See who?

Luo Fei?

At that moment, Xiao He couldn’t quite react. He frowned slightly. He was exhausted in body and mind, so he was a little irritated and restless.

He didn’t make a sound, but his expression was enough to make Yun Qing stiffen.

Seven whole days.

Seven days since Luo Fei had returned.

Every day, Xiao He would go to find him in the daytime, and he never stopped for a single day.

When he came back at night, his expression was cold, and he was absent-minded while eating and training. Even in the bathroom, he was distracted.

When Yun Qing held him at night and wanted to kiss him, Xiao He would say lowly, “I’m tired, let’s rest, alright?”

Yun Qing stopped, and all his passion subsided. Only coldness stirred in his heart.

And before long, Xiao He, tired, would fall asleep.

After staying together for six whole years, he’d thought there was no distance left between them.

Only a single man had returned, and just a few short days had passed.

But a mountain of ice thousands of feet tall had already been erected between them, so cold it chilled him all over. And there was no way to cross it. 

Yun Qing wasn’t willing to open his mouth and ask him. He had his own dignity, and his own principles.

It was only...that there was no way for him to be content.

Once he thought that he might lose Xiao He, he felt his vision turning dark, as if everything was covered with a gray fog, without the slightest trace of vitality.

If he hadn’t tasted happiness, he wouldn’t crave it.

But once it was in his hands, who could easily let go of it again?

So Yun Qing waited all afternoon for him, waited until it was almost midnight, before Xiao He finally returned.

Yun Qing spoke.

He straightforwardly said, “Don’t go find him anymore.” 

And Xiao He...creased his brows, and a trace of irritation flashed through his eyes.

Yun Qing stood still in the middle of the main hall, dressed in clothes white as mist from head to toe. As if the cold winter wind had frozen him in place, he stood there like a pillar of ice.

Xiao He looked up into his eyes that were covered with frost, and his heart tightened. But soon, a feeling of frustration and powerlessness surged up, and he said lowly, “In a few more days...I won’t go anymore.”

“Why do you have to wait a few days?” Yun Qing asked him levelly.

How could Xiao He explain? He only said quietly, “I’ve had something to do with him for the last few days. Once we’re not busy anymore…”

He hadn’t finished speaking when Yun Qing grasped Xiao He’s wrist and looked down at him. “What is there that I can’t help you with, and he can?”

His voice was low, cold and carried a strong undertone of interrogation, making it so Xiao He couldn’t help feeling more irritated.

For the last few days, he’d been hiding from Yun Qing every day, truly hiding from him.

He was afraid of returning, afraid of seeing him, and even more afraid of being with him at night.

Xiao He knew himself well, and he understood himself too well. He loved Yun Qing, loved him so much he could disregard everything.

Before, Xiao He was proud of this feeling, but now his heart was filled with fear.

If Yun Qing had really exterminated his whole family.

If they really carried this kind of blood debt between them.

Then how laughable would it be if he still loved him so much he couldn’t control himself?

Xiao He was afraid of this moment’s arrival, but what he was even more afraid of was actually...that he’d lose his humanity.

He was afraid that seeing Yun Qing every day, his heart would slowly soften, and he’d let himself go and begin to not want to look into this anymore. 

When that time came...he could obtain Yun Qing, have his love, and have a seemingly happy life.

But when that time really came, would he still be human?

Accepting a murderer who had killed his relatives, loving a man who had destroyed his family and everything he had.

He would die one day.

When he died, how could he face having lived this kind of life?

Xiao He couldn’t make it past this hurdle, but he was still afraid that he would disregard everything and stride past it.

If he really crossed it, he’d feel like he wasn’t himself anymore.

No, he wouldn’t be human anymore.

Love should make people more humane.

It shouldn’t obliterate their humanity.

Xiao He took a deep breath and said to Yun Qing, “Master, I have my own personal matters. Wait for me, okay? After a few days…”

He hadn’t finished speaking when Yun Qing looked at him and said coldly, “After a few days, you’ll be sure of your feelings, and you’ll be inseparable from him?”

Xiao He’s face paled, and he looked up at him.

He was incredulous, but his gaze flickered, so in Yun Qing’s eyes, he was panicked and guilty because his master had cut straight to what was weighing on his mind.

Yun Qing felt bitter at heart, and his fingers curled in slightly.

Xiao He finally came back to himself, and realizing that Yun Qing had misunderstood, he said anxiously, “Luo Fei and I are just ordinary friends, it’s not what you think.” 

He was searching for the truth, but he didn’t want Yun Qing to have this kind of misunderstanding, based on something that simply didn’t exist.

Yun Qing didn’t move. He only chuckled softly and said icily, “Ordinary friends? Ordinary friends who’ll have that kind of thing happen between them, who’ll call out each other’s name while doing it?” 

Xiao He was startled at first, but he soon reacted. He seemed as if all the blood in his body had been drained, stiffening into place, his face as pale as snow.

“You...you know…”

“That’s right, I know. Six years before, you…”

“Enough!” Xiao He was afraid of him speaking of that night aloud. He was so tense he felt as if everything were turning dark.

It turned out he knew everything, he knew that he and Luo Fei…

Yes, of course he knew. That’s why Yun Qing targeted Luo Fei, and exiled him to a dangerous place like that. That’s why he tormented him, tormented him until death seemed better than living on…

Suddenly figuring everything out, Xiao He felt his vision turning dim.

“Master...don’t say anything more.” His voice was very low, low to the point of weakness. “He and I were only together because of a misunderstanding. Besides, so many years have passed, and there’s simply no need to question who I like. Master...give me some time, very soon, I’ll be able to…”

“Since it’s like this...then tell me.” Yun Qing’s thin lips pursed tightly. “What exactly are you two doing?” 

Xiao He lowered his head, not making a sound.

Yun Qing forced him to raise his head, his eyes shining with the cold light of stars. “Xiao He, I love you, love you deeply, but that doesn’t mean you can play with me like this!”

Xiao He lowered his eyes, not looking at him, but his lips were trembling uncontrollably. He seemed as if he were brooding over a great sorrow, so pitiable it made one’s heart seize with pain.

But Yun Qing’s heart didn’t soften because of this, and his voice was unyielding. “Tell me exactly what’s going on!”

Xiao He opened his mouth, but he couldn’t make a sound no matter what.

Yun Qing’s eyes were dark, like the calm surface of the sea before a storm, stirring with wild waves underneath.

“If you don’t tell me, I have ways to find out, but when that time comes…”

Xiao He suddenly lost all his strength. He closed his eyes, and his lips moved faintly, saying those words that couldn’t be said. “I’m trying to recover my memories, the memories that were sealed seven years ago.” 

A single sentence was like rolling thunder rumbling in the sky. 

 

Yun Qing stiffened visibly for a moment, but he soon creased his brows, saying in a rare, deep, serious tone, “Stop immediately, you don’t need those memories at all!” 

Xiao He abruptly opened his eyes. “Why!”

Yun Qing looked at him with narrowed eyes.

Xiao He looked back at him. He was extremely tense inside, but his face was unexpectedly cold and indifferent, as if he were looking at the enemy who had exterminated his entire clan.

“Because I’m the only survivor of the Zongyang Xiao clan?”

Yun Qing’s pupils quickly shrunk.

Xiao He had said everything out loud, but he had no more qualms.

“Master, you saved me. Since you won’t let me recover my memories, then tell me, who killed my family? Who was it? You must know, right?!”

Yun Qing stood there silently.

Xiao He looked at him. At that moment, in his heart, he seemed to hear the catastrophic sounds of buildings collapsing and mountains falling, the earth splitting and a tsunami rolling in.

“It was you...wasn't it?” Xiao He’s voice trembled, trembled until he couldn’t control himself anymore. “Tell me, tell me, I’m begging you...tell me…”

He was almost sobbing, pleading with him, but Yun Qing’s voice was unexpectedly calm and indifferent.

“Do you wish it was me?”

Xiao He looked at him blankly.

Yun Qing lifted a hand and brushed away the tears at the corners of Xiao He’s eyes, looking at him with incomparable tenderness in his eyes. “Xiao He, do you love me? Were you so anxious for the last few days because of this? You weren’t shifting your affection to Luo Fei, you didn’t want to abandon me and choose him, did you?”

Xiao He didn’t know how to react. He just looked at him, looked at such a gentle, good Yun Qing, and an intense feeling of uneasiness suddenly surged into his heart. He grabbed Yun Qing’s clothes and said urgently, “Master, let me regain my memories, that way I won’t have to find Luo Fei anymore. I want to see them for myself, I want to know the truth, I…”

“No.” Yun Qing cut off all of his thoughts with one word. “You don’t need those memories.”

It was as if Xiao He were drifting in the ocean, one moment holding on to a lifesaving piece of driftwood, and the next moment sinking into the water again. The ability to breathe and suffocation came in turn, and it was enough to drive him mad. 

“Why? Why! It really was you who killed them, you’re the one who killed them!”

“That’s right.” Yun Qing’s voice was light and unhurried, while his eyes were so dark they seemed to absorb all light. But he smiled, smiled devastatingly and matchlessly, smiled in a way that bewitched the soul. “I was the one who did it, and now you know everything.” 

“However…” Yun Qing caressed Xiao He’s fair neck, murmuring in a voice that was almost a whisper. “Don’t think of leaving me.”

***

The author has something to say: 

Muah! Is the truth really like this? Cough, cough…

I updated today, but I’ll have to update in the afternoon or night tomorrow. I’ll work hard, and if I’m not busy tomorrow, I’ll finish rubbing out this world in one breath! 

***

banoffee: 2 hours and 11 minutes for 1,937 words, or 6.8 minutes for every 100 words! A decrease in rate by 0.7 minutes. I'm only 0.3 minutes away from where I was at the end of Runaway Guide ☺️And here I thought this was so difficult when I started translating this arc...it turns out I only needed a while to learn the terminology. 

If you like this translation, please consider encouraging me on Ko-fi! Extra chapter for every three ko-fis 💛

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