Entering a Split Personality — Chapter 62

A single sentence from Yun Qing plunged Xiao He into a bottomless abyss.

His face deathly pale, he looked at the man before him. He felt that his heart was completely empty, empty to an unimaginable degree.

Xiao He was so dedicated to finding the truth because he longed to find a truth that would clear Yun Qing’s name.

But now...all of it was wasted effort.

Yun Qing admitted it.

He admitted it himself.

He’d killed his family and exterminated his entire clan.

But at this moment, Yun Qing said he loved him.

Who would want this kind of love?

Xiao He stood there blankly, his thoughts like the threads of a torn net. He couldn’t find where the ends were, and he couldn’t find where to begin. 

Without a goal, he hesitated, helpless.

Even if the sky and earth caved in, he wouldn’t feel as helpless as he was at this moment, but now...he felt as if the world before his eyes was only an empty void.

“Why did you have to do that?” Xiao He’s voice was as light as a feather, like a riverbed that had lost its source of water, dry and dull. “Just because of a calamity? Just because you wanted me to die?”

Yun Qing looked at him expressionlessly.

Xiao He suddenly increased his volume. “Just for the sake of your own selfish desires, you could massacre hundreds of people? Just so you could make a breakthrough, you committed such insane cruelty?”

“In the great Dao, there are no feelings and no desires.” Yun Qing’s voice was calm, cold and detached. 

But as if he’d flicked a switch, Xiao He began to laugh wildly. “The great Dao? The heavenly path? Without feelings or desires? That’s true! You don’t have feelings, and you don’t have desires! And you don’t have a heart either! After doing something like this, how could you still be with me? After ruining my life, how could you still say those words?!”

“Yun Qing, you aren’t worthy! You aren’t worthy at all!” He didn’t deserve to talk about love, he didn’t deserve to have happiness, and he really didn’t deserve…

“Yes.” Yun Qing forcefully gripped him by the chin, forcing him to raise his head and meet his gaze. His black pupils held a deep gloom like the abyss of hell, without a single trace of light. “I don’t deserve you, and I never have. But you still came to my side, bent over for me, pleaded with me softly, said you loved me…”

“I don’t love you!” Xiao He stared at him with eyes full of bone-deep hatred. “Yun Qing, I was just blind and confused, and now I’ve woken up. I never loved you!”

He spoke such cruel words, but Yun Qing’s expression was still as cold and disaffected as before. Only his pale lips pursed tightly, and his deep eyes concealed violently surging waves. “Finally said what was in your heart?”

“That’s right!” Xiao He didn’t evade him or yield. He stared at him unwaveringly, hating that he couldn’t use the cruelest of words to drag him down into hell.

“I lied to you before, Yun Qing. I like Luo Fei, and I’ve always liked Luo Fei. I didn’t know it when I couldn’t see him, but once I saw him, I finally understood my own feelings. Yun Qing, let me tell you, the one I love is Luo Fei, the one I love is my Brother Luo Fei!”

The last three words thoroughly stirred the thorn in the depths of Yun Qing’s heart, making his figure tremble. A severe wind suddenly burst from all over him, overturning and shattering everything around him. The magnificent palace instantly turned to ruins. 

But Xiao He couldn’t see any of it. His heart had already been crushed, and all that was left in his hollow body was an intense hatred, a bone-deep desire for revenge and the pain and despair of being betrayed.

“You must not have known, but my first time was with Luo Fei. We were together for a whole night, and I’ve never forgotten it…”

“Shut up!” Yun Qing roared harshly.

But Xiao He laughed softly, as if recalling some beautiful memory, seeming completely lost within it.

And Yun Qing felt a pain as if someone was scraping his bones and digging out his heart, so painful it made him want to destroy everything.

His reason hovered on the edge of madness. It only had to take one step forward, and everything would be over.

Yun Qing knew that Xiao He was only speaking in anger.

Yun Qing knew that he had to calm down.

But every word abused his heart, and every sentence broke his spirit, so that his mind was constantly shaken.

Sure enough, Xiao He didn’t love him.

Sure enough, he liked someone else.

He...really couldn’t belong to him.

Since it was like this…

Just at this moment, the sound of rushed footsteps came over. 

As soon as Luo Fei saw the scene before him, he knew that their plot had fallen through and been exposed. He said urgently, “Don’t hurt Xiao He.”

And Xiao He just happened to call out as well: “Brother Luo Fei!”

They were only three short words, but they were the last straw that broke the camel’s back. Yun Qing couldn’t hold back anymore. 

He lifted his left hand, a gust of wind rose violently, and Luo Fei’s throat fell easily into his hand.

With calm black eyes, Yun Qing said quietly in a deathly still voice, “You love him, don't you?”

Xiao He nodded without the slightest hesitation.

“Then that’s fine…” Yun Qing’s lips hooked up, and he smiled as brightly and beautifully as the scorching morning sun. “Once he’s dead, you won’t be able to love him.”

Xiao He’s pupils abruptly shrank, but he didn’t cower at all. “Go ahead and kill him. If you kill him, I’ll still love him, and I’ll love him forever. In all my life, I’ll only love him alone!”

Yun Qing’s fingers tightened, and like fireworks exploding, ostentatiously and willfully, blood stained the main hall, his white clothes and that face as handsome as a god’s.

Xiao He looked on quietly, and then he began to laugh. The more he laughed the louder his voice grew, the wilder, and...the madder. 

“See...Yun Qing, these are your true colors. You’re just like this. You killed my parents, my brothers and my entire family, and now...you’ve killed my lover as well.”

Xiao He laughed carefreely, but there was only despair and madness in his eyes.

“It’s just a pity that I can’t kill you, but…” Xiao He’s voice suddenly lowered, and there was a trace of softness in his rough tone. “I can kill myself.” 

As his words landed, Xiao He lifted his hand and drew out his longsword without the slightest hesitation, running it through his own chest.

All of this happened in only the blink of an eye. Yun Qing rushed forward, but all he touched was cooling blood. He looked at it blankly, his face pale and his lips translucent. His voice was full of trembling despair. “Xiao He...Xiao He...you…”

“Don’t touch me!” Xiao He felt the true pain of piercing his heart, but he found helplessly that even real pain like this couldn’t surpass the heart-wrenching pain that Yun Qing had given him.

When his world collapsed, life turned disastrous and everything became empty, physical pain wasn’t worth mentioning.

Xiao He didn’t look at Yun Qing. He turned away, looking in the direction where Luo Fei had died. The corners of his mouth rose slightly, revealing a light but cruel smile. “Brother Luo Fei, wait for me...”

At the end of his life, the name that he called out was Luo Fei’s.

Yun Qing held him in a daze, watching him close his eyes, his breathing slow to a stop and his head quietly hang down.

Yun Qing looked at him without blinking, and in the end, he suddenly dipped his head and kissed that place that was dripping with blood. 

—Xiao He, you’re mine.

—You can only be mine.

—Even if you die, you can still only be mine.

—Good, it’s better this way.     

Xiao He died in despair, and he woke feeling infinite regret. 

At the moment he opened his eyes, his tears were like a river that had burst its dam, flowing down incessantly. He couldn’t stop them no matter what.

Qin Su promptly roused him. “Xiao He? You slept for quite a while this time, can you tell me what happened?”

Xiao He suddenly woke up, but he didn’t reply to Qin Su’s question at all, only saying urgently, “Let me go back, hurry and let me go back!”

Qin Su frowned. “The mission has already been completed, and that mental world has started to collapse. There’s no need for you to return.”

“No! Let me go back, please, let me go back. I can’t end it like this, I can’t, I absolutely can’t!”

Qin Su didn’t open his mouth. 

Xiao He’s eyes darkened, and he gritted his teeth and said, “If you don’t let me go back, then I’ll stop the treatment from now on!”

His words held too much of a threat. Qin Su had no choice but to relent.

“But that mental world is already unstable, and if you go back now you’ll be in great danger. If you’re unable to come out when the time comes…”

“If I can’t come out, I’ll resign myself to it!” Xiao He stared at him unwaveringly. “If I die, please tell my parents. Just say...just say that I died in a car accident.” 

He’d even spoken words like this. Qin Su was abruptly shocked.

He still wanted to confirm what exactly had happened, but Xiao He couldn’t wait anymore. “Don’t make me repeat myself again. Let me go back right now, hurry up!” 

He was so anxious that Qin Su didn’t delay him any longer. After Xiao He lay back down, Qin Su reconnected the equipment, made a few adjustments and then sent him back in.

Xiao He really didn’t dare to remember. Once he thought of the last words he’d said, he felt so much remorse he wanted to kill himself.

How could he be so cruel, how could he treat him like this?

He loved him...loved him deeply, and he’d loved him in three worlds.

But...how could he treat him so cruelly just because he’d lost his memory?!

Once he remembered everything, Xiao He could no longer put himself in the shoes he’d worn back then, feeling that same despair.

But there wasn’t a moment he didn’t think of what Yun Qing was feeling back then.

Hearing those kinds of words from him, Yun Qing must have felt the depths of despair.

Seeing him dying together with Luo Fei in the name of love, Yun Qing should have completely collapsed.

Yun Qing was so good...so outstanding, and he was the most harmless one of Fan Shen’s personalities he’d seen so far. 

But...he had hurt him to this degree.

At the moment Xiao He returned to the mental world, his distress rose to its peak.

He remembered everything, not only the matters of reality, but everything that had happened to him in this world.

The disaster where the entire Zongyang Xiao clan was exterminated hadn’t been committed by Yun Qing, it hadn’t been Yun Qing at all!

It had been Xiao He...it was Xiao He himself.

Those chaotic memories rushed violently into his mind, and Xiao He saw that cocky, ignorant seven-year-old boy. He had a rare heavenly spiritual root, so he couldn’t resist the temptation of secretly practicing magic. In the end, he accidentally opened a gate to the devil realm and drew in some devils, causing the slaughter of his whole family. 

Yun Qing...how had he been the killer of the Zongyang Xiao clan? He’d saved the people of the land with his own strength! 

It was him who beheaded those devils, it was him who stopped the conflict at the mansion, and it was him...who saved him.

Even though he’d caused such a great disaster, Yun Qing still brought him into Grandcloud Sect and accepted him.

Even at the end, Yun Qing didn’t hesitate to take all the blame, not wanting Xiao He to bear the guilt.

But what had Xiao He done…

Remorse gnawed at Xiao He’s insides. When he returned to his body once again, he sensed a familiar scent.

Xiao He couldn’t open his eyes, but he could sense everything around him.

He saw Yun Qing. His long hair was flying in the air like ink, his white robes were fluttering softly like snow, and he stood in the midst of darkness and desolation. He held the young man in his arms with great care, walking forward step by step.

At that instant, Xiao He seemed to see Ayr in his last moments.

Just like Ayr, his world had collapsed, and just like then, everything was in ruins, but at least Ayr had obtained his love.

But Yun Qing had lost everything.

He’d lost this world, lost him, and lost his last hope.

Xiao He didn’t know how long he watched him. Once he could control his body, he spoke urgently, in spite of his hoarse voice and aching throat.

“Sorry! I'm sorry! Yun Qing, I’m sorry!”

***

The author has something to say:

Ahem, I have a feeling I’ll definitely be cursed miserably. Girls, please show some mercy with your tongues, waaaaaahh…

This world still has one more chapter. There definitely won’t be any more angst, only sweetness, muah! We’ve already survived the greatest barrier, don’t you have a feeling of pride? (Get out of here!)

***

4 hours and 2 minutes for 2,378 words, or 10.2 minutes for every 100 words. An increase in rate by 3.4 minutes. God...that's got to be a record. This took ages. 

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