Entering a Split Personality — Chapter 74

The man he loved with all his heart and soul had insulted him so openly.

Disheartened, Xiao He fell into complete despair.

This was an incomparably dark stretch of days. Xiao He suddenly found that his twenty-seven years were a joke.

Before, he’d lived only for the Xiao family, and afterwards, for a single year, he'd found the meaning in life. He’d finally wanted to live for himself, but in the end, he was crushed so ruthlessly.

No longer able to find the meaning in life, Xiao He thought of death several times.

If he died, he wouldn’t care about anything anymore.

He wouldn’t feel heartache or despair, and he wouldn’t look up at the clear, bright sky and feel like he was standing in hazy, heavy rain. 

If he hadn’t experienced a time of warmth, Xiao He wouldn’t know what loneliness was.

But once he’d tasted the warmth that two people had, and then returned to being a single man again, the emptiness and disappointment were emotions negative enough to drive him mad.

If Fan Chen hadn’t appeared, Xiao He would probably have simply died.

But at his most helpless hour, this frail prince who’d been concealed behind their backs appeared.

He was eighteen as well, but he was different from his brother’s sunny, passionate nature. He was like a plant that had grown up in a dark corner, surrounded in a mysterious atmosphere, indifferent and cold. He seemed like he was covered with thorns, but he was really terribly lonely.

When Xiao He saw him, at that instant, it was almost as if he’d seen himself.

They had both been given up on, abandoned and ignored.

Fan Chen approached Xiao He and spoke to him a great deal, telling him everything he had met with since his memories began.

Beneath his mask, the boy told him all his miserable experiences in a downcast, calm voice.

He hated Fan Shen, Fan Qing, and Xiao Qing most of all.

He was a human being that didn’t have the right to choose his birth, but because of his birth, they ruthlessly erased him.

He never saw the sun and he never felt the warmth of other people. Eighteen should be the age when he was blooming like a flower, but he lived like a withered tree.

Hearing him speak, Xiao He’s heart, that had sunk into deathly stillness, ignited with blazing rage.

“Who wounded your face?”

“I look like Fan Shen, so they ruined my face.”

Fan Shen...Fan Shen…

Xiao He chewed on these two words, and the flames of revenge lit up his black eyes.

I loved you so much...and what did you give me?

I saw you as my everything...and what did you take me as?

Fan Shen, since you don’t want me anymore, then...I’ll make you remember me, remember me forever!

A coup d’état was soundlessly born, and broke out in a single night.

Xiao He helped Fan Chen overthrow the current regime, making Prince Fan Shen fall from heaven to the mire in one night.

Xiao He hated Fan Shen, hated him deep in his bones.

He hadn’t imagined that after treating him so ruthlessly, Fan Shen, having lost all his support, would actually still come to find him. He actually felt entitled to interrogate him, and even kept saying that he loved him!

However much Xiao He loved this man before was how much Fan Shen disgusted him now.

When he was high above him, he easily threw away their relationship like it was a toy.

He’d pleaded with him so humbly, but he… Fan Shen insulted him as getting carried away by wishful thinking, as being filthy and disgusting, and he even told him that he didn’t deserve him! 

But now that he had nothing, was no longer a prince and had no one supporting him, he took out those sweet, honeyed words again.

Xiao He looked at him coldly, his heart gripped with so much pain it went numb.

Fan Shen, you’ve already treated me so heartlessly and unfairly, so what are you acting all broken-hearted for now?

Fan Shen, you’ve already destroyed me completely. Now I’ve only made you taste a hundredth of that feeling, so why do you need to act like you’re falling apart in despair? 

Do you deserve it...Fan Shen...do you deserve it!

In this way, Xiao He said a lot to a Fan Shen, many heart-piercing words that penetrated to the bone.

He returned to Fan Shen now the treatment he’d given Xiao He back then.

Those words had long since been carved into his bones and merged into his flesh. Now that he tore them out, he didn’t feel relieved at all, and only felt the pain of mangled flesh.

But it was fine if it hurt. At least if it hurt, he was still alive.

At least...he hadn’t thrown away his life for someone like this!

With Xiao He there, Fan Chen took power smoothly.

The new emperor soon succeeded to the throne. Xiao He wanted to leave, but Fan Chen granted him the highest of honors.

Xiao He had long since lost interest in these things, but seeing that he had the position of marshal now, he suddenly decided to stay.

He could never believe in love again in his life.

He could only be alone all his life.

Since it was like this, why should he go to that desolate, uninhabited place?

Since he would be lonely either way, why not look down on everything on earth from this unsurpassed position.

Having left you, I’ll only live better.

Just that one sentence made Xiao He take the seat of First Marshal.

Even looking back like this on the following memories, Xiao He could experience the other man’s disillusionment and lifelessness.

Xiao He no longer had Fan Shen, but now had Fan Chen at his side.

Fan Chen was Fan Shen’s brother, but his personality was completely different.

Perhaps it was because he felt a little inferior due to his ruined features, but he never got close to anyone but Xiao He. 

He wasn’t as passionate, sunny or impulsive as Fan Shen.

But Fan Chen was very calm and steady. He didn’t seem like a boy, and was even more reliable than many adults.

He was always there at Xiao He’s side. When he was most helpless and in despair, when all his hopes had turned to dust, Fan Chen pulled him up wordlessly, accompanying him silently, knowing that he would come out of it.

After accompanying each other for almost ten years, Xiao He knew what Fan Chen felt for him, but he simply couldn’t accept anyone anymore.

But fortunately, Fan Chen never forced him. As his emperor, he accompanied him unwaveringly from beginning to end.

Human hearts were made of flesh, and Xiao He saw all of this. In the dead of night, he couldn’t help but think, they were clearly a pair of brothers, so why were Fan Shen and Fan Chen so different?

After only a year with Fan Shen, Fan Shen got tired of him.

But he’d stayed with Fan Chen for ten years, and even though he’d never accepted him, Fan Chen had never given up on him.

If...Xiao He couldn’t help but think, if he had met Fan Chen first back then, would his life have turned out differently.

But...no matter what he thought, it was useless.

Xiao He only had one heart in his chest, but now, it had long since withered and died.

If his life just went on like this, there wouldn’t be much bad about it.

But fate seemed like it would never let go of Xiao He. After one bout of despair, it brought another disaster onto him.

Fan Shen was back!

Having made a narrow escape after falling into the mire, the imperial prince had regrouped and come back even stronger!

Seeing Fan Shen again after ten years, Xiao He felt as if it were a lifetime ago.

He knew that Fan Shen hated him. After all, he was the one who pushed him into hell.

But he wasn’t afraid. The two of them had been ruthless so far, so there could only be a battle when they met!

It was a battle that darkened the heavens and earth. Xiao He’s warships fought with Fan Shen’s invading battleships until they were in chaos. They should’ve been evenly matched, but because of a failed assassination, it turned into a one-sided collapse. 

The man who came to assassinate Xiao He was an old acquaintance who had served as Fan Shen’s attendant. Xiao He didn’t fall into the trap, and easily caught him.

But the attendant hurled abuse at him as soon as he opened his mouth. “Xiao He, you scumbag, you cruel madman, you actually treated Fan Shen like that, a man who was so infatuated with you he disregarded everything. You’re really heartless through and through.”

Hearing such words, Xiao He only felt they were completely absurd. Heartless? Was there anyone more heartless than Fan Shen on earth?

He made an unceremonious noise of ridicule, but the young man burst into loud laughter. “Come on! You actually found an excuse like that? At that time, I just happened to be traveling on business with Prince Fan Shen, two galaxies away. How could he have possibly come back to embrace a young girl? Xiao He, if you’re going to find a reason, why don’t you find a more reasonable one!”

Abruptly taken aback, Xiao He didn’t know what he was talking about at all.

And after that, the attendant just kept deriding and taunting him, refusing to say a single proper sentence.

Xiao He’s personal bodyguard couldn’t stand to listen anymore, and got someone to press the attendant to the ground.

Xiao He felt a little dazed. After so many years, he couldn’t recall the details from back then.

But he couldn’t have been mistaken, that was Fan Shen, that was absolutely Fan Shen!

But…

Maybe this man was just lying to him.

Xiao He instantly calmed down again. After causing Fan Shen so much misery, he wouldn’t be surprised if the prince pushed all his sins onto him.

Xiao He took a deep breath and didn’t think about it anymore, concentrating on the battle.

But soon, he found another secret.

Even if they were on a warship, the impact of turbulence during a battle was quite shocking.

Xiao He commanded the Marshal 01. Fan Chen didn’t feel at ease, and insisted on being on the same bridge as him.

Under the overwhelming attack of an antimatter photon wave, the entire bridge shook until alarms were springing up everywhere, and everything seemed about to tumble down.

Fan Chen anxiously sheltered Xiao He beneath his body.

Xiao He felt grateful, but as soon as he looked up, he was stunned.

He’d long since grown familiar with the mask he’d seen for a decade, but now, it slid off.

It bared an extremely handsome face. With one glance, Xiao He felt his blood flowing backwards.

***

The author has something to say:

Aahhhh I didn’t eat after getting off work and rubbed out words until now, aren’t I an example of conscientiousness in the industry! Muah! I want comfort, petting and cuddles~

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banoffee: 2 hours and 59 minutes for 1,916 words, or 9.3 minutes for every 100 words. An increase in rate by 1.2 minutes... 😓

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