Entering a Split Personality — Chapter 75

“Fan Shen and I looked similar…”

Similar? This was a lot more than similar!

Xiao He stared at him, stunned, not even daring to blink.

Eyes, nose, lips, chin...they were completely alike! He couldn’t even find the slightest difference!

At that moment, Xiao He almost believed that the one sheltering him was Fan Shen, that iron-willed prince who’d completely grown up, and was currently taking back his power by force!

But...Fan Shen wouldn’t appear here, and he wouldn’t shelter him beneath his body, wearing the robes of the galactic emperor.

This was Fan Chen.

But wasn’t he disfigured?

Realizing that his mask had fallen, a trace of panic flashed through the depths of Fan Chen’s eyes, but he soon calmed down, and just looked at him evenly like this.

But Xiao He could no longer meet his eyes.

He hurriedly avoided his gaze, struggled up and soon threw himself into the battle.

Fan Chen saw Xiao He’s fluctuating emotions, but he just pressed his thin lips together, not saying a word.

The battle continued. Xiao He forcibly stabilized his state of mind, but it was still uncontrollably wavering.

Some past events surged into his mind, and the parts of his past that he hadn’t dared to remember for a long time violently emerged, distracting Xiao He several times.

With the commander’s heart in turmoil, how could the battle still advance?

Struggling to the end, Xiao He finally had no choice but to let the deputy commander take the lead, while he went to the lounge to regain his composure.

And just then, Fan Chen came over.

Xiao He abruptly looked up, and when he saw Fan Chen without his mask on, his heart pounded rapidly.

He turned away without looking at him, only saying dully, “Why did you have to lie to me?”

He obviously wasn’t disfigured, but he’d said he was.

Fan Chen walked in, his steps steady and his voice calm. “You should know my thoughts.”

His words only touched on it lightly, but they made Xiao He’s heart seize.

“Xiao He.” Fan Chen leaned over, his eyes black as night, but stirring with countless emotions within, like millions of stars linking together into a great net, wanting to draw the man before him inside. “You know I love you, right?”

Xiao He looked at him, but he couldn’t make a sound.

He knew...but so what if he knew, he…

Fan Chen didn’t give him the chance to speak, and continued: “If I didn’t wear a mask, and you saw me every day, would you be looking at me, or at him? Xiao He, I know that you can’t let go of him, so I’m willing to hide my own features. I’m willing to spend my life interacting with you with a mask on, and to love you quietly like this til the end. But I’m not willing to use this face to seduce you.”

“Xiao He, if I hadn’t worn this mask, you would’ve accepted me long ago, wouldn’t you? But if that really happened, I’d live in uneasiness all my life, because I wouldn’t be able to tell who you really loved.” 

As he spoke, Fan Chen forced a slight smile. “I thought that time could change everything, and that if I invested my sincerity, you would respond to me sooner or later. But it’s been ten years, and you know my intentions, but you don’t have the slightest desire to respond. I wishfully thought of making you love me, but in the end...it was all useless.”

He spoke in a soft and unhurried tone, but the contents of his words were full of intense pain. It made Xiao He’s heart ache. 

“Fan Chen…I…” He looked at him, but he really didn’t dare to continue looking at him.

He was too similar, really too similar...he couldn’t tell the two men apart at all.

When Fan Chen looked down at him, he could see all of Xiao He’s emotions clearly. 

He could see Xiao He’s hands nervously clenching into fists, his evasive gaze and the heart within his chest. It had been hurt until it was cuts and bruises all over, but it still pounded non-stop because he’d seen this face.

A stabbing ache spread from his chest, and the pain he’d suppressed for ten years burst out at this moment.

He was at his side, treated him wholeheartedly and gave him all the affection he had in his life.

But...Xiao He couldn’t see, hear or feel it.

For ten whole years, Xiao He had wordlessly refused him. Fan Chen understood this.

He had actually been prepared for this. If one decade wasn’t enough, then two, if two wasn’t enough, then three, four, five… In short, he would accompany him, wait for him and be by his side til the end.

He would have a chance one day.

But at this moment, when his mask dropped, Fan Chen knew that he didn’t have a chance, and he’d never had one.

He had stayed with him for ten years only to get the tiniest response, but now that he bared this face, he saw the affection in the depths of Xiao He’s eyes.

Intense ridicule filled his heart, and in the end it turned to irrepressible rage and dissatisfaction.

“Why.” Fan Chen’s eyes gradually darkened. “Why do you still love him so much even after he hurt you like that?”

His low voice made Xiao He tremble faintly all over.

That’s right...Fan Shen had betrayed their relationship and abandoned him like that, but he...but he…

“Xiao He! Wake up, alright?! He doesn’t love you, and he’s never loved you. He only took you for a plaything, an object to sate his lust with!”

Fan Chen’s interrogation opened the scars that Xiao He had hidden for many years, making the blood that had stopped flowing on the surface rush out violently again.

Xiao He’s face paled, and and even his lips didn’t have a trace of color. Only his eyes were black and empty, so black they didn’t hold any personality. 

Seeing the other man like this, Fan Chen couldn’t help but feel distressed. He leaned down and hugged him, pressing against his ear and placating him. “Xiao He, forget him, okay? He betrayed your relationship, he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t care about you, he could hold a girl and mock, humiliate and insult you, he said that you’re disgusting, unworthy and…”

Fan Chen’s low words brought Xiao He back to that moment ten years ago again.

Heart-piercing, bone-gnawing pain quickly rose in his chest, and Xiao He couldn’t help but curl in and shiver for a moment, about to lose the strength to even breathe.

He didn’t dare to remember or touch upon those memories, let alone say them out loud. 

No one knew about them, and he himself would’ve slowly forgotten them.

But...he couldn’t forget…

He had no choice. Following Fan Chen’s words, every scene seemed like it had just happened.

Why was it that after ten years, he still couldn’t get over it? Why was it that after so long, he still remembered it so clearly?

He had never mentioned these things...so why could he still not forget them…

Wait...wait…

Xiao He couldn’t tell which thread had gone out of order in his mind.

A thought suddenly burst into his mind, and then spread nonstop.

Xiao He was very certain that he’d never told anyone the events and detailed circumstances of that year.

But why...did Fan Chen know them so well?

He even knew so clearly what Fan Shen had said.

Leaning against his chest, Xiao He felt chills rising from the depths of his heart, each colder than the next.

The assassin’s words from before rushed into his ears.

“At that time, I just happened to be traveling on business with Prince Fan Shen, two galaxies away. How could he have possibly come back to embrace a young girl? Xiao He, if you’re going to find a reason, why don’t you find a more reasonable one!”

A terrible reality slowly surfaced. Xiao He stayed silent, but needles of ice pierced all of his organs.

“Fan Chen...back then, it was you, wasn’t it.”

A single sentence, light as a feather, made the man holding him abruptly stiffen.

Fan Chen’s stiffness made Xiao He’s heart sink to the bottom.

“I investigated it, and Fan Shen was out during that period of time. He couldn’t have returned...so it was you pretending to be him.”

Fan Chen knew at heart that Xiao He was only frightening him.

But he also knew that Xiao He’s doubts had been raised, and he couldn’t conceal this anymore.

Currents of desolation flowed through his blood, each heavier than the next. Fan Chen suddenly felt that there was no meaning to all of this anymore.

He was fated to be unable to obtain him and have him. Xiao He would never see him. If he kept on persevering like this, what he had in the end would only be an unattainable dream.

So...what need was there to hide it any longer?

If he couldn’t love him, then wasn’t hate a kind of attention as well?

“That’s right, I’m the one who did it.”

A few softly whispered words struck Xiao He’s heart like a heavy hammer.

It really was Fan Chen, it really was Fan Chen, that Fan Shen back then really was Fan Chen in disguise…

Fan Shen hadn’t betrayed or abandoned him. He hadn’t said those uncalled-for words to him at all.

After the ecstasy came boundless coldness and despair.

But what had he done?

What had he done to Fan Shen?!

Xiao He remembered it little by little, the blood flowing through his body solidifying and freezing.

The young man’s mournful questions echoed in his ears, and his cold, detached gaze floated into his mind…

When the truth came to light, Xiao He found that he was still deep in the abyss of despair, and he could never get out.

The memories abruptly came to an end. Having found out everything, it took a long time for Xiao He to come back to himself.

He had never thought that the truth of the matter was actually like this.

Now, when he looked at the man with cuts and bruises all over him, Xiao He’s gaze was tangled and complicated.

“I thought that you would never come to see me again.” That was what Fan Chen had said to Xiao He.

Xiao He could only laugh bitterly at heart. After doing something like that, how could you be forgiven!

You ruined a pair of lovers who could’ve loved each other sweetly. You ruined their whole lives, and you made yourself live in excruciating torment.

One man’s pain grew into three men’s despair in the end.

And why?

Fan Chen...why?

Xiao He shook his head and controlled his emotions.

He walked over silently, carefully untied the ropes binding Fan Chen and then methodically applied medicine for him. 

Fan Chen didn’t move, only his night-dark eyes holding a few waves, like ripples emerging on a winter lake late at night, soft and slight, but cautious and solemn.

Xiao He saw this and sighed at heart. He couldn’t help but soften a little again.

As soon as he thought that this was Fan Shen, no matter what, he couldn’t harden his heart.

Why did Fan Shen have to torment himself like this?

Pain gripped Xiao He’s heart, but at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel a little furious.

But what use was there in being angry at someone ill? 

Seeing the wounds on his body, Xiao He involuntarily frowned. His heart overflowed with distress, and he couldn’t help but soften his movements a little more.

When Fan Chen took in how gentle and cautious Xiao He was being, his heart was filled with confusion.

He had already lost any pleasure in living. To the end of his life, he couldn’t obtain anything he wanted.

Family, parents nor Xiao He.

All the things he wished for were tied wholeheartedly to that man who looked exactly the same as him.

He was unreconciled and tried to fight for them, but in the end, he still lost.

He suffered a crushing defeat.

Fan Chen’s heart held both happiness and terror at being able to see Xiao He at the end.

He was afraid of seeing Xiao He’s gaze filled with hatred, loathing and blame, and he was even more afraid of Xiao He saying sharp words that would stab his heart.

He already didn’t want to live anymore. At least leave him something to remember in the end.

In the ten years they spent together, countless little details that Xiao He hadn’t paid attention to could be condensed into the most beautiful memories in his mind.

That was enough.

However...completely against his expectations, Xiao He didn’t blame him or insult him, and didn’t even reject him at all.

He looked at him like that, so tenderly and carefully, his pretty eyes filled with worry and distress.

It was as if he were looking at his beloved, and wanted to reprimand him for not taking care of himself, but couldn’t bear to.

Such overflowing affection was a sight Fan Chen would only see in his dreams.

But now, it happened so realistically before his eyes. Fan Chen didn’t dare to believe it.

He didn’t move for fear of disturbing him and making the dream shatter, and then waking to reality. 

Xiao He patiently finished taking care of all of Fan Chen's wounds, and even injected him with medicine to treat him, stirring the heart that should’ve stopped beating to life.

Seeing Fan Chen’s vital signs stabilize, Xiao He let out a great sigh of relief, but at the same time, there was some anger at the bottom of his heart that he couldn’t suppress.

Was it fun torturing yourself like this? Even if it was a mental world, the pain wasn’t lessened in the slightest!

Both distressed and worried, Xiao He couldn’t help but complain, “Fan Shen, you…”

As soon as he opened his mouth, the surrounding atmosphere suddenly sank into freezing coldness.

Xiao He abruptly realized that he’d blurted something out without thinking, while Fan Chen instantly understood.

As expected...as expected, he was punishing him…

Treating him like this was really a hundred times more painful than insulting him or killing him.

You see, if you were Fan Shen, I’d treat you this gently, carefully and considerately.

You see, if you were Fan Shen, I’d patiently help you clean your wounds, both distressed and anxious, full of affection.

It was a treatment as different as black from white.

The gap between Fan Chen and Fan Shen was this wide.

When he didn’t know it, he couldn’t imagine it.

It wasn’t until he experienced it that he knew just how terrible the difference between heaven and earth was.

Fan Chen’s face was deathly pale, but he was powerless to say anything.

After all, it was him who had done such unconscionable things, and it was him who had destroyed Xiao He's life.

So no matter what kind of punishment it was, he should bear it.

But...could it not be so cruel? 

Even if Xiao He stabbed him with a sword and simply killed him, it would be better than exposing the darkest, weakest and most unbearable place in his heart, and using this kind of method to flog him there.

In this life, what he was most unreconciled to was being unable to outdo Fan Shen.

In his time on earth, what he felt most unwilling about was being unable to win against Fan Shen.

He was clearly better than Fan Shen, and loved Xiao He more than him.

But everything he had was erased, and his Xiao He had never looked him in the eyes.

Endless sorrow spread in him. Fan Chen’s eyes were empty, without a trace of hope in living.

Xiao He realized he’d said it wrong, and hurriedly added, “Fan Chen, don’t overthink it. Look at me.”

Fan Chen didn’t know what more Xiao He wanted to do, but he was unwilling to look at him.

How could Xiao He not know what he was hiding from? For fear that this difficult fellow would create more trouble, he didn’t say anything more, and simply lifted his head and kissed Fan Chen.

When their lips met, Fan Chen’s eyes abruptly widened.

Xiao He tasted blood in his mouth. His heart ached, and he couldn’t help but touch him more softly.

But...at the next moment, what awaited him was an intense kiss that almost stole his breath away.

What Fan Chen had never imagined before had happened. The man he sought but couldn’t obtain had kissed him on his own.

No words could describe a single one of the emotions Fan Chen felt at this moment.

Xiao He was afraid of touching his wounds, but Fan Chen didn’t care. He reached out with a bloody arm and caught Xiao He by the waist, holding him close and kissing him fiercely.

The taste of blood and a sweet scent intermingled, intoxicating his mind.

Xiao He’s breathing was a little rapid, and his mind was dazed. Just at this moment, he felt a familiar dizziness.

Fuck, what was Qin Su looking for him for at this kind of time…

Unfortunately, Xiao He didn’t have a chance to resist. After he lost consciousness, he woke up in reality.

Xiao He was fuming. “What are you doing? What is it?!”

Qin Su was startled at his shout, but he soon realized that this might not have been the time to call him out. Clearing his throat, Qin Su hurriedly got to the point. “Mr. Xiao, I did a comprehensive test just now. I found out that there’s two of the young master’s personality fragments in the mental world this time, so you…”

Sure enough, that was the way it was! Xiao He wasn’t surprised at all. From the moment he saw Fan Chen, he had understood.

Fan Shen and Fan Chen were both personality fragments. Damn, there were actually two fragments in one mental world, no wonder it was such trouble!

Seeing that Xiao He wasn’t surprised at all, Qin Su knew that he understood what was going on. He promptly added, “Mr. Xiao, please act with more caution. Personality fragments have a relationship of mutual competition, and they’ll instinctively want to take over the mental world. They’re hostile to each other, and it’s hard for them to get along. But there’s only one of you, so it might be a little hard for you to appease two personality fragments at once. If you’re at all careless…”

“Alright, alright.” Xiao He interrupted him. “I understand everything. Give me some time. Relax, neither of them will die!”

Qin Su was a little startled at Xiao He’s confidence, but Xiao He had no time to explain. “Trust me, it’ll be fine. I can handle it. Hurry and help me connect to the equipment!”

Qin Su could understand Xiao He’s anxiety. In the end, he didn’t know what exactly was going on in the mental world, so he couldn’t make a judgement on it. Since Xiao He had so much confidence, he wouldn’t interfere.

Hurriedly connecting with the equipment, Xiao He entered the mental world again.

***

The author has something to say:

Muah~ I vented a little, love you all!

Right, girls, you have to calm down and keep saying this novel is sweet, sugary and heartwarming in the comment section~ Only in this way can we make more comrades click on this and enjoy this indescribable pleasure with you~ Good taste has to be shared, isn’t that right, eheheh~

***

banoffee: 4 hours and 19 minutes for 3,336 words, or 7.8 minutes for every 100 words. A decrease in rate by 1.5 minutes, yay! This chapter was over ten pages long in google docs...

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